What is a Hymen? 9 Facts about Hymens and the Concept of Virginity

Art by Wesley Johnson

The concept of “losing your virginity” for people with vaginas has a complicated history, and has often been (incorrectly) linked to the hymen breaking. Bleeding after sexual intercourse was (also incorrectly) thought to be proof of an unbroken hymen, and thus, proof that a person had not had sex before.

This is, of course, a deeply heteronormative way of thinking about sex, and the reality is that the state of your hymen may have nothing to do with sexual activity. Unfortunately, sex education in the U.S. leaves a lot of people unsure about vaginal anatomy, even if they have one. It’s not at all uncommon — years into being sexually active, even — for people to wonder: “What is a hymen, really?”

With the help of Jessica Shepherd, MD, MBA, FACOG, a board-certified OB-GYN and Chief Medical Officer at Verywell Health, and Mackenzie Piper, MPH, CHES, a health and sex educator with Healthy Teen Network, we’re going to separate hymen fact from fiction. We’ll answer some common questions about the hymen, like “what is a hymen” and “how does it break”? And we’ll also unpack its complicated relationship with the historical concept of virginity. So, read on for nine facts you need to know about this tiny tissue.

In this article, you’ll find answers to:

What is a hymen?

In the simplest terms, the hymen is “a thin membrane that surrounds the opening to the vagina,” explains Dr. Shepherd. It’s just fine, stretchy tissue left over from the way vaginas form in the womb, and it doesn’t really serve a purpose. The hymen has no known biological function and it does not, in any way, indicate whether or someone has engaged in sexual activity.

Despite the outsized role that “cherry popping” plays in the way we talk about virginity, it should be noted, too, that some people with vaginas are born without a hymen in the first place. For others, their hymen may be so small that, as Dr. Shepherd put it, it’s “not really impacted the first time they have penetrative sex.” Hymens come in different shapes and sizes (more on that below), and penetrating the vagina with something like a penis, fingers, or tampons can — but won’t necessarily — break it. That’s because the hymen is super elastic — some people like to compare it to a hair scrunchie!

Story continues

Where is the hymen?

Hymen location can be tricky. The hymen surrounds or partially covers the opening to the vagina. Although they vary in shape and size, hymen location is pretty consistent — you’ll find it “just inward of the vagina,” Dr. Shepherd said, or about one to two centimeters inside your vaginal opening. And if you’re wondering “how deep is the hymen?” — it isn’t. Though this thin piece of tissue may mark the start of the vaginal canal, it doesn’t extend inside of it.

What does a hymen look like?

Hymens, just like vulvas, are not one-size-fits-all! “No two hymens are alike,” Piper said. “Some may have a half-moon shape, some may have a ring shape. Some are thicker, some are thinner… just like other body parts, hymens are different for everyone.” For the vast majority of people, hymens are not “seals” that cover the entire vaginal opening; they’ll have one or multiple holes that allow for period blood — and for things like tampons, fingers, a penis or a sex toy — to pass through, often without disrupting the hymen.

What are hymen abnormalities?

First thing first, “abnormalities” can feel like a very heavy word. Don’t be afraid if your anatomy doesn’t perfectly match up with any single definition. For some people — a small percentage of those with vaginas — the size and shape of their hymen may be considered an abnormal hymen, although Dr. Shepherd said it’s “not very common.” There are a number of different categories when it comes hymen abnormalities, so here are some words to read up on before your next doctor appointment (hey, it’s good to be informed!):

Although Piper noted that “pain or difficulties from these conditions are rare,” there is one situation when hymen abnormalities can work against you: menstrual flow and tampon use. There is the option to have a minor surgery called a hymenectomy to remove the extra tissue. Essentially, this opens up the hymen so period blood can flow through and is performed by a gynecologist.

Does your hymen change shape as you get older?

The short answer is yes. At birth, the hymen is quite thick and ring shaped, but as you age, it may become thinner and more elastic, resembling a crescent. In one study published in the Reproductive Health journal, researchers note that the hymen changes shape at different times in someone’s life.

Think of the hymen as any other part of the body: It can start out its life looking very different from other peoples’ and it will continue to age and change. It’s a fact of life!

How do you know if your hymen is still there?

Considering pulling out a mirror and checking for hymen breakage signs? It never hurts to get a closer look at your own anatomy, but in the case of the hymen, it’s possible you won’t see a whole lot. “Since the hymen is a flexible piece of tissue that may be thick, thin or even absent in some people, the visibility of a person’s hymen totally depends,” Piper said. “The size and shape of a hymen can change with age or a big shift in hormones, so that can impact visibility, too.”

But even if it’s not “necessarily easy to find,” Dr. Shepherd added, if you were born with a hymen, chances are you probably do still, in some capacity, have it. That’s because, contrary to the image conjured up by a “popped” cherry, the hymen doesn’t simply vanish post-penetration. “It’s a tissue formation that’s part of the vagina anyway… it’s not ‘broken.’ It’s still there because it’s still tissue that’s part of the vagina,” she said. “So there’s still tissue there, it’s just that it’s stretched maybe.”

Hymen and virginity facts: 9 things to know about your hymen breaking1. A hymen break can happen in a variety of ways and is in no way a marker of virginity.

The list of “hymen break reasons” is a long one. Here’s a popular query: Can a hymen break without having intercourse? Yes. Another question we hear semi-often is: Can fingering break the hymen? The hymen can be broken in any number of ways. Sexual activity (including fingering, oral sex, penetration and masturbation) can break the hymen, yes, but so can the insertion of a tampon or even exercising. It’s not uncommon for hymens to tear doing totally normal, day-to-day activities, and you can break your hymen without even knowing it. Dr. Shepherd explains that it’s entirely possible to disrupt the hymen during a weight-bearing exercise and not feel a thing. That could be especially true if your hymen had already thinned — with age, for instance — by the time it tore, or if you didn’t have much tissue there to begin with. Alternatively, it’s also possible to notice a bit of bleeding and tenderness when your hymen tears. It’s different for everyone.

2. On the flip side, it’s possible to engage in sexual activity and not break the hymen.

Engaging in sexual activity doesn’t automatically mean your hymen will break. It’s very possible for the hymen to remain unbroken from fingering or oral sex, explains Dr. Shepherd. It’s even possible (though uncommon) to have intercourse without breaking the hymen.

It bears repeating: the presence or absence of a hymen does not prove or disprove whether someone has engaged in sexual activity.

3. Once a hymen has been broken, it does not grow back.

Some people may wonder whether their hymen could grow back to its original state if enough time has passed since it was “broken” or stretched. But this isn’t possible. Once a hymen is broken, either naturally or through a hymenectomy, it will not grow back. And that’s totally okay! As mentioned before, it’s not something we need.

4. Does it hurt when your hymen breaks? Not necessarily.

Though some of us may have been told to absolutely expect pain from our hymens breaking, everyone’s experience is different, according to Piper. “Having a hymen stretch or break may hurt, it may feel good, it may be both, or it may be something you don’t notice at all,” she said. “The most important thing you can do is keep living your life and making decisions that feel good to you.”

5. Virginity is a social construct rather than a medical condition.

The virginity-hymen conversation is a big (complicated) one. According to Piper, virginity is a social construct, rather than a medically significant term. “Many people define virginity as not having had sex yet, but what is considered sex varies from person to person,” she said. “Someone’s understanding of ‘virginity’ can be shaped by what they’ve learned from their peers, parents, family, or religion. However, there is absolutely no scientific basis for the idea of virginity.”

So you likely have a definition about what virginity entails based on your friends, what your parents have taught you, and whether or not you have specific religious beliefs. It should also be said that having sex doesn’t change anything about you; it doesn’t add or take away value, just as not having sex doesn’t.

6. “Losing your virginity” does not necessarily mean penis-in-vagina sex.

The concept of virginity has long been tied up with the heteronormative idea that when a penis enters your vagina, you’re no longer a virgin. But there are some obvious problems with this definition of virginity. When you define the moment that determines change in virginity status as specific to P-in-V, that leaves out people for whom sex will never mean P-in-V activity. “We all know this isn’t the only kind of sex people are having,” Piper said. “So, by reinforcing this concept, we are inherently excluding many genders, sexualities, and activities.”

7. You don’t have to prove your sexual history to anyone.

You should never feel you have to prove your status, and furthermore, it’s not even possible to do so. We would argue that the best way to find out if someone has not yet had sex (if the other party really cares to know) is simply to ask — and it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to discuss it at all!

8. You are in control of your sexual activity.

There are some major problems with the concept of “losing your virginity.” The term implies that it isn’t in your control. If you lose your phone, is that a conscious decision? No! We need to change how we talk about the first time a person has sex. It shouldn’t be something that someone takes from you.

“‘Loss of virginity’ implies a person is a passive receiver of sex and that they are not in control of their body and their choices,” Piper said. “It’s time that we put these harmful concepts to rest and start to reframe our understanding of sex and sexuality…. When we respect the right of people to make their own decisions about if and when to engage in sexual activities, when we stop shaming people for having sex, and when we talk about pleasure, then we can start moving away from this damaging idea of virginity and ‘loss.’”

9. Still anxious about experiencing pain from your hymen breaking during sex? Masturbation can help.

As often as we’re (incorrectly) told our first time having vaginally penetrative sex is guaranteed to be painful, we’re also told this pain is unavoidable. But that isn’t necessarily true, Dr. Shepherd said.

“It’s not really the hymen that creates the discomfort — it’s the entire experience of the entire vaginal canal being stretched or changed in size,” she said. “To me, the reason why there is anxiety is because when it’s new, you anticipate that it’s going to hurt…The brain is our largest sex organ, so if we have been, in our brain, really anticipating something to be possibly painful or discomforting, I think that then leads to now your pelvic muscles responding to your brain thinking that.”

To avoid the psychological fear of pain causing actual pain, Dr. Shepherd recommended getting familiar with masturbation for starters. It’ll help you learn what your body finds pleasurable — and that, eventually, can also help you to have better foreplay with a partner, priming your body for more relaxed, and more lubricated, penetration when you’re ready for it.

This story was first published in 2015. It has been updated to include the most accurate information.

Let us slide into your DMs. Sign up for the Teen Vogue daily email.

Related:

WATCH: 8 Fascinating Facts About the Vagina That Will Change Your Life

Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue