The ‘worst deal’ in history and an Albanese snub: Paul Keating’s most memorable calls at the press club

The former Labor prime minister Paul Keating had a tetchy and vituperative outing at the National Press Club on Wednesday.

We bring you the most memorable moments of his attack on the Aukus deal, along with the invective he directed at media and his own side of politics.

1. The ‘worst deal’ in history

In a written statement on Wednesday, Paul Keating opened by describing the $368bn Aukus nuclear submarine plan as “the worst international decision” by a Labor government since Billy Hughes tried to introduce conscription.

In conversation at the National Press Club, the Aukus deal had sunk even lower to “the worst deal in all history”.

For $360bn Australia is receiving eight nuclear submarines when it could be buying 40 to 50 Collins-class submarine replacements “for the same price”, he argued.

2. Britain ‘looking around for suckers’

Keating mocked Australia for aligning itself with the UK, reprising familiar criticisms of the colonial masters telling Australia “you’re all on your own” in their East of Suez policy in 1968 after the “capitulation of Singapore” in 1942.

Turning to modern times, Keating said “after the great problem of Brexit, after that fool, [Boris] Johnson, destroyed their place in Europe … they’re going to put together ‘global Britain’”.

“So they’re looking around for suckers.”

“We’re returning … Rishi Sunak, for God’s sake, Rishi Sunak, for Australia to find our security in Asia. I mean, how deeply pathetic is that?”

3. Nuclear submarines ‘don’t snort’

Keating described the defence minister, Richard Marles, and the head of the Australian navy trying to convince him of the benefits of nuclear submarines because, unlike conventional subs, they don’t “have to put up the snort every night to get the oxygen”.

“I said, ‘admiral, please don’t think I’m stupid. You only need to put the snort up if you’re going at full power. If you’re just cruising, you put your snort up every four days or so’.”

Keating conceded that “it may be more risky than 40 years ago” to operate conventional submarines but argued “if you have 15 of the things at sea, how would knocking one out matter”.

“But if you knock one of the three nuclear subs out, it really matters! But they don’t snort. But they’ll be found because they’re bulky.”

4. Albanese snubs Keating

Keating criticised Anthony Albanese particularly for the decision in September 2021 to offer unqualified support for Scott Morrison’s plan to ditch the French submarines in favour of the Aukus nuclear submarine plan.

“The prime minister thought a gigantic shift of this kind deserved less than twenty-four hours’ analysis,” Keating said in a written statement before the speech.

He did praise Albanese for being “responsive to calls, texts and email” in the past – although his luck seems to have run out after he sent the prime minister a “long paper” about sovereignty on 2 February. “I received no reply to this correspondence.”

Keating also spoke to Albanese’s staff on 21 February inviting him to discuss Aukus. “The fact is he did not wish to hear the message or have the conversation.”

5. Marles and Wong ‘seriously unwise’

Keating criticised the defence and foreign ministers, Marles and Penny Wong, as “seriously unwise”.

Wong “spent five years [in opposition] rustling not a leaf” and went along with Aukus determined to prevent a “khaki election”, Keating said in the statement.

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He supplemented this by arguing Wong had decided “there should be no opening for Liberal party to attack on strategic policy” – folding in with Julie Bishop and the Liberals and deciding to run the “smallest small-target strategy”.

“Marles, though well-intentioned, completely captured by the idea of America, couldn’t wait to join the pile on,” he said.

6. Keating gets personal with SMH and Age

Keating labelled the Sydney Morning Herald columnist Peter Hartcher a “psychopath” for running “the attack on me about me being a representative or putting the views of the People’s Republic of China” (which Keating rejected).

Keating also labelled Hartcher the “old acid drop” and “the great stentorian voice” but suggested he lacked the “stentorian mind”.

Then it was the foreign affairs and national security correspondent, Matthew Knott’s, turn, when Keating lashed him for asking him to criticise China over its treatment of Uyghurs and Hong Kong.

“After what you co-wrote with Hartcher last week in that shocking presentation … you should hang your head in shame,” Keating said.

“I’m surprised you even have the gall to stand up in public and ask such a question, frankly. You ought to do the right thing and drum yourself out of Australian journalism.”

Knott replied “for the record, Mr Keating, we’re very proud of our journalism and we think that that has made an important contribution to the national debate” before pressing for an answer on Xinjiang and Uyghurs.

7. Keating minimises human rights concerns

Keating brushed aside human rights concerns about China by arguing there are “disputes about what the nature of the Chinese affront to the Uyghurs” is, in reference to documented abuses that the UN has said are likely to be “crimes against humanity”.

Keating deflected a follow-up question by arguing that “[Indian prime minister Narendra] Modi, has the same sorts of problems as the Chinese have” but the media are a “soft touch on India”.

“What if the Chinese said, what about deaths in custody of Aboriginal people in your prison system? Wouldn’t that be a valid point for them?”

8. France offered new deal

Keating revealed that France, which lost a contract for conventional Attack-class submarines in favour of Aukus, had offered “a new deal” for the “newest French nuclear submarines”.

These would require only “5% enriched uranium, not 95%, weapons grade” and came with a “firm delivery date” of 2034 at “fixed prices”, he said. The French received “no response”, Keating claimed.

The French embassy in Canberra declined to comment on the submarine offer claims. Marles was also contacted for a response.