The bias that drives ‘catty’ workplace conflict

“And yet, when people ask if they want a female manager, they say no,” says Kelly Ceynowa, an organisational psychologist, coach and consultant based in New York City. Ceyonwa says that in even in an organisation which aspires to be a meritocracy – a structure in which the best people get promoted regardless of their gender, race or any other characteristic trait – the bias still exists. The gendered norms that have dominated for so long, she says, “the meritocracy is based on male standards of successful management” itself.

A ‘double bind’

Manzi says that because of these perceptions, when some women reach positions of power, they take on more male-ascribed traits. These women might also have previously developed what’s generally considered to be a more ‘masculine’ persona to gain seniority.

“Women are being taught and rewarded for being more masculine,” says Manzi. “If you want to make it and be seen as brilliant, you want to identify with the group that tends to be seen as having those characteristics. And those people still tend to be men.” 

As a result, women “might also tend to dissociate more from women as a means of distinguishing themselves as a leader”, adds Manzi. “They don’t want to be seen as having the character traits that are typically associated with women, and aren’t associated with being a strong and capable leader. And that can cause these perceived conflicts,” she adds.

Because of these male traits that drive leadership perceptions, says Ceynowa, it’s ‘more acceptable’ for men to be in workplace conflict. However, when women stand their ground and are seen as aggressive, it can be particularly jarring, noteworthy and memorable, since they are not ‘supposed’ to be in conflict, based on their expected gender roles.

“The conflicts are the same. What is different is that men are operating in structures that were designed with them in mind. I think the perception that women-women workplace conflict is unique is that we see it more because it stands out, not because it is unique,” she says. “Men are in continuous conflict at work, but we are comfortable with how they handle it.”

This puts women in a “double bind”, says Michael Smets, professor of management at Saïd Business School at the University of Oxford. “If they are nurturing and kind, they are easily considered ‘too female’, [but] if they display competence and assertiveness, they are easily branded ‘too male’, and often inauthentic.”

And without other female leaders in the workplace displaying alternate leadership styles, “women may be forced to experiment to find their personal leadership style, or replicate the behaviours of male role models”, says Smets. “In both cases, conflict is likely to flare up, and be articulated in ways peers or reports may not expect, and the surprise may lead them to experience the conflict as particularly intense.”