Survivor 44 recap: Carolyn gets cagey

There’s something you should know about Carolyn. I almost don’t want to tell you myself. I can’t do the story justice. You really need to hear it straight from her, so take a gander here for the straight-from-the-source scoop. And when I use the word “scoop”… well, let’s just say there’s a reason Carolyn orders chocolate ice cream.

So, that tidbit Carolyn shared at that link is pretty remarkable. I don’t think I have a single story from my entire life that can match it. But here’s the thing: I bet Carolyn has a gazillion other stories like that she dispenses with an alarming regularity. While that would be the best story of my life, for Carolyn, I feel that one was just like a regular old day of the week. And not even a particularly remarkable day of the week either. It was just… like, a Tuesday when it comes to Carolyn stories. And her tale about combing through her son’s poop for three days to find a tooth he swallowed is probably at best a Thursday. The hits just keep on coming!

I bring this all up because a reality TV travesty almost took place on our television screens this week. Apparently, at some point during the pandemic Survivor went into its top secret lab, combined the DNA of Wendy Shirk, Kathy Sleckman, and Noura Salman — and out came Carolyn Wiger. They debuted this little slice of reality TV perfection last week, and then, in what would have amounted to the cruelest twist in franchise history, almost ripped her from us just a week later.

“Two Dorky Magnets” – Tribes must snake their way toward the win for immunity and reward. Also, paranoia starts to set in as a looming suspicion becomes the elephant in the room, and lines are drawn in the sand at tribal council, on SURVIVOR, Wednesday, March 8, (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network, and available to stream live and on demand on Paramount+. Pictured (L-R): Helen Li, Carson Garrett, and Yamil “Yam Yam” Arocho. Photo: Robert Voets/CBS ©2022 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Robert Voets/CBS The Tika tribe on ‘Survivor 44’

For a minute there, it looked like Carolyn was going to get voted out of the game on day 5 with an idol in her pocket and more tears than a ripe coconut. But somewhere deep in the recesses of the Fijian jungle, the Survivor gods were all, “Yeah, no. That isn’t happening. We are totally going to mind-control Sarah here for a second to make her vote out Helen even though she has given no indication over five days that she would even consider such a thing.”

Story continues

To which we say… THANK YOU SURVIVOR GODS! What would we have done without the walking supercut montage that is Carolyn? I mean, I guess I started focusing more on Frannie’s incessant snort-laughing, but the point is, we need more! I know, I know, they say a little Carolyn goes a long way, but guess what? A lot of Carolyn goes even farther!

How amazing is Carolyn? So amazing that a dude named Yam Yam who does bearded drag as Storm and rejoices over pooping in the ocean is not even the most interesting person on that tribe. (Would Carolyn have combed through his poop as well?) It’s actually amazing producers have spent as much time as they have with the other tribes knowing that Carolyn and Yam Yam are over on Tika. Hell, if I were a producer, on day 2 I would have been like, “You know what? F— it. Put all three birdcages over on Tika. And move all the camera crews while you’re at it. And that next three-person journey we do better be Yam Yam, Carolyn, and that charismatic nerd with the 3D printer or YOU’RE ALL FIRED!”

Thankfully, Carolyn lives to play another day. And she still has her idol. Incredible. Sounds like it’s time to celebrate with a big bowl of chocolate ice cream! But while we do that, let’s also hit some of the other big moments from episode 2 of Survivor 44.

Shoot Your Shot

While Jaime using her Shot in the Dark seemed super paranoid and needless at first glance, Maddy revealed in her exit interview that Jaime was actually the target at one point before her mad scramble to change it to Brandon, so that at least explains why Jaime was feeling so nervous.

Matthew using his Shot seemed to make a bit more sense in that I assumed he did it because he knew heat was on Brandon and that he could be a split vote backup option and might go if Brandon played his idol. But that’s not what Matthew told us this week. Instead, he told us he knew he was safe but did not want to vote because that way people would not know where his true allegiance stood. That’s an interesting angle and in some ways, pretty smart.

But is it worth burning your one and only Shot in the Dark on day 3 to do so? On the surface, it may not seem so. But, then again, the Shot in the Dark is only a 1-in-6 chance at safety anyway, so I don’t hate the strategy of essentially throwing that all out the window and instead using your Shot as a tool in the game in another way. At the very least, it’s an interesting and unique approach to a game element that otherwise hasn’t really impacted anything that much since it was introduced in season 41.

The Soka tribe on ‘Survivor 44’

Robert Voets/CBS The Soka tribe on ‘Survivor 44’

Showmance City

I cannot overstate what a terrible job Frannie and Matt are doing at hiding their budding showmance. The hilarious part about it is they know they shouldn’t spend so much time together snorting and gigging over exotic insects, but they can’t help themselves! And, as a result, all those people that were geek-shipping Christian and Gabby back on David vs Goliath can get their hopes up all over again.

I have to say, they are pretty damn cutedorable together, but if I were on their tribe, I wouldn’t just be rolling my eyes like Claire (who I can only imagine otherwise spends the majority of her time as “Chief Laziness Czar” trying to figure out how to get out of taking part in challenges). I would be breaking that power couple up and breaking them up tout suite. Way too dangerous, no matter how likable they are. Time will tell if that gets them in trouble, although I guess it worked for Boston Rob and Amber. The problem is, I don’t see any Lexes on this season.

Cage Match

Two more keys for birdcages were found this week, and both players who found them (Danny on Soka and Carolyn on Tika) were way smarter than Brandon with how they handled it. Both grabbed the idol, but played other aspects differently. Danny put the fake trinket (in his case, a silver coin amulet) back in the cage in the bag, while Carolyn kept her trinket (a string of beads) and put the empty bag back.

Unfortunately, she forgot to close the bag and also did not take my suggestion last week of weighing it down with rocks, meaning the others on Tika could tell someone had opened the cage and taken the idol. Yet shockingly, they all suspected each other and not Carolyn — even though she was the one who was not with them all when she grabbed it.

The big question is: What did they do with the keys? In Danny’s case, there really is no reason to put the trinket back unless you re-hide the key. But even that is risky. If I were a player and found the key, opened the cage and the bag, and only found that silver coin with no note, I would be suspicious that someone else had procured the idol. I much prefer taking both the idol and trinket, ditching the key, and then having that trinket in your back pocket for use later in the game. But I, unlike Carolyn, would have filled up the bag and closed it.

Anyway, interesting that we got three different strategies on the three birdcages. It’s also nice to know that the Tika tribe is absolutely, positively terrible when it comes to reading body language.

“Two Dorky Magnets” – Tribes must snake their way toward the win for immunity and reward. Also, paranoia starts to set in as a looming suspicion becomes the elephant in the room, and lines are drawn in the sand at tribal council, on SURVIVOR, Wednesday, March 8, (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network, and available to stream live and on demand on Paramount+. Pictured (L-R): Tribes Ratu, Soka, and Tıka compete. Photo: Robert Voets/CBS ©2022 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Robert Voets/CBS The ‘Survivor 44’ cast

The New Sandra?

Well, that was interesting. Maybe even more interesting than the immunity challenge itself. After Jeff Probst gave the players very detailed instructions on a challenge that had approximately 8,749 elements and stages, he asked who Soka was going to sit since they had one extra member. Claire, who also sat out last week, announced it would be her. Probst looked a bit surprised and inquired whether she was volunteering or if it was a tribe decision, and when Claire responded “both,” Probst just looked at her and said “hunh.” Nothing more. Nothing less. Just “hunh.”

Probst is at his best when he acts as the eyes and ears of the audience, saying what we think out there in the moment, and Claire offering to sit out in the first two immunity challenges was definitely a “hunh” moment. Maybe she has two left feet, I don’t know. But Claire at least looks like she’s pretty athletic. And I can’t think of many things worse than going all the way out to Fiji to play Survivor and then voluntarily sitting out the first two immunity challenges.

That doesn’t mean Claire — my episode 1 pick to win it all, by the way — wasn’t doing the smart thing by sitting out. Her whole tribe looks athletic, and by sitting out she couldn’t be blamed for not pulling her weight or messing up at something if her tribe lost and had to go to Tribal Council. Plus, her tribe didn’t lose. They got immunity both times, proving her decision to sit out may have been the correct one. Still, it was a “hunh” moment, and if Claire sits out yet again next week we will rapidly be approaching “double hunh” territory. But, hey, THAT’S SHOWBIZ, BABY!

Soka was on track to get first place again this week until Matthew basically was all I-see-you-Carson-and-your-3D-puzzle-printing-and-raise-you-with-a-giant-homemade-snake-replica-maze-built-out-of-plywood-in-my-backyard-because-I-am-a-complete-badass-and-just-to-prove-how-badass-I-am-going-to-whip-this-sling-off-and-dominate-you-fools-with-an-injured-shoulder.

Matthew’s display was super impressive, and when I say his “display”, yes, I am still talking about his beard, which remains spectacular on day 5. Anyway, his big comeback for Ratu meant that Soka had to settle for second place and Tika ended up in the loser’s circle… as much as anyone can be losers with Carolyn and Yam Yam on their tribe.

‘Survivor 44’ host Jeff Probst

Robert Voets/CBS ‘Survivor 44’ host Jeff Probst

All Helen Breaks Lose

I still don’t quite understand exactly how or why Helen got drop-kicked out of the game. It seemed that the power trio alliance of Carson, Sarah, and Helen were all locked and loaded on Carolyn, with Helen noting of the drug counselor that “it’s hard to work with someone who’s always going to be saying the truth about something.” And how!

However, the tide started to turn when Yam Yam proclaimed that “Carolyn and I are old, crazy people, but we’re here to play.” Keep in mind that Carolyn and Yam Yam are clocking in at the ripe old ages of 35 and 36, respectively. Jeez, talk about geriatric geezers! Get these two old-timers their AARP cards and shingles shots already.

The Yam Yam and Carolyn alliance is the best thing to happen to Survivor since the invention of knee socks, but could they actually move the votes to someone else? That didn’t seem likely when Carson showed up and Carolyn proceeded to… lie down on the ground? And then… immediately stand back up? I actually have no idea what was happening here. She’s up, she’s down. Hell, for all I knew she was going to climb a tree again and go forge an alliance with the snakes. But, no, it seems she has actually forged an alliance with Carson. Yes, the same Carson who apparently does not know how recreating tons of Survivor puzzles on a 3D printer worked out for David Wright on Edge of Extinction. (Or didn’t work, as it turns out.)

Helen Li from SURVIVOR Season 44. — Photo: Robert Voets/CBS ©2022 CBS Broadcasting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Robert Voets/CBS Helen Li of ‘Survivor 44’

All I do know is that Helen is gone. The woman was a puzzle whiz. She killed it on both the Savvy test and the first immunity challenge. That’s someone I would have tried to keep around. Not at the expense of Carolyn, of course, but still a bummer to see her go so soon. And you could tell how bummed she was to be cut loose.

Speaking of being cut loose, you’re probably ready to be done with the recap already, but a few quick programming notes before you make like Lindsey Ogle and get the heck out of here. We’ve got a fun exclusive scene from the episode coming your way in which Soka loses their machete. We’ve also got our exit interview with Helen, which will be up on Thursday morning. And hopefully you’ve already familiarized yourself with the “overconfident fart.” Enjoy all those goodies — as well as a special surprise coming soon from the land down under — and I’ll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!

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