Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Know Who the Hell Mike Johnson Is Either

Stephen Colbert is unafraid to ask the question on all of our minds: who the heck is the new Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson? During Wednesday’s Late Show monologue, Colbert took the Republican congressman from Louisiana to task, roasting him for being relatively unknown in the political landscape as well as his voting record.  

“His name is Mike Johnson,” Colbert said. “Mike Johnson. That is a name.” Colbert then joked that Johnson had the most generic name of a congressional leader since Speaker James Kirkland Brand. He went on to congratulate Johnson for scoring votes from all 220 Republicans present. “Finally, a man who appeals to all factions of the Republican party,” said Colbert. “The MAGA faithful, the social conservatives, the white nationalists, and the horny Beetlejuice goblins”—a shot at Republican congresswoman Lauren Boebert. 

Colbert homed in on Johnson’s relative anonymity before being elected Speaker. “Johnson is now second in line to the presidency,” he said. “Prompting news outlets to triumphantly proclaim: Who is Mike Johnson?” He then displayed multiple headlines asking the same question, before landing on the joke headline “5 Secrets to Reduce Belly Fat, Also, Who the Hell Is Mike Johnson?”

“He’s a little innocuous,” Colbert said. “He’s just another boring white guy in a suit and glasses.” The Late Show host then came to the stunning realization that he is also a white guy in a suit and glasses, prompting Colbert to approach the camera and do a side-by-side comparison of Johnson and himself.  “Am I Mike Johnson?” asked Colbert, to a round of applause. 

As it turns out, we’d be better off if Colbert actually were the Speaker of the House. Colbert pointed out that Johnson is an election denier who has called homosexuality an “inherently unnatural” and “dangerous lifestyle” that would possibly “destroy the entire Democratic system.” “Destroying the Democratic system is my job,” Colbert said, impersonating Johnson. “Did you know the 2020 election was rigged by gender fluid space lasers?”

Despite this, Colbert pointed out that Johnson’s relative anonymity might be helpful for his political career because “there doesn’t appear to be anyone who hates him enough to sabotage his rise.” 

“You know what they say about Mike Johnson,” Colbert quipped. “To know him is to meh.”