No rest for Boris Johnson as the day of love approaches*

Carrie Johnson Bozzie Bear, my naughty pumpkin, are you going to be home on Tuesday?

Boris Johnson My little otter, afraid I’m at a cryptocurrency conference in Dubai or Djibouti or Dublin, one of the Ds. Can’t remember. Only know it’s big spondoolies. Be back Thursday or Friday, one of the days. For a bit of faciens amorem. Woof

Carrie But Boz, it’s Valentine’s Day — and I want to celebrate with my king of the world. I just can’t believe we got the go-ahead on the new extension. What with it being a grade II listed 17th-century property in an area of outstanding beauty with all the newts and the ancient woodland. I really didn’t think you’d swing it

Boris You know me, otter.