Mom Defended for Refusing to Match Family’s ‘Punishing’ Parenting Style

Members of a popular internet forum rallied behind a single mother who refused to mimic her father and stepmother’s authoritarian parenting style.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Hollyivyginge (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she was enjoying a family vacation with her 6-year-old daughter, until she was asked to enforce the same strict rules imposed on her 8-year-old stepbrother.

Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for not changing my daughter’s rules on a family holiday to suit the other child?” the post has received nearly 6,000 upvotes and 800 comments in the last day.

“I’m currently on holiday with my father, stepmum, three brothers and my 6 y/o daughter,” OP began. “My youngest brother is 8, the others are adults.”

Beginning with the explanation that she doesn’t employ any specific parenting code, the original poster said that compared to her father and stepmother, her technique is much more relaxed.

The original poster also said that for the first two days of her family vacation, the difference in parenting styles was very pronounced.

“I give my daughter the choice on what she wants to do everyday,” OP wrote. “I let her choose the meals from the buffet…and as we’re on holiday I’ve increased her bedtime by an hour so she can go to the kids disco every evening.

“I thought all of this was pretty reasonable, but my dad and stepmum asked me to change my rules,” OP continued. “Their reasoning for this is that their son is jealous that he couldn’t have pizza for dinner, doesn’t get to go to the disco…and didn’t get to go to the beach because they wanted to go to the markets.

“I outright refused…and I told them that it didn’t feel fair for me to start limiting my daughter’s holiday when she’s had no problems herself,” OP added. “It felt a little like punishing her for no reason.”

Summertime family vacations, whether wide-reaching or limited to the nuclear unit, are the perfect opportunity for bonding experiences and memories that will last a lifetime.

They can also leave once-close relatives outraged and at each other’s throats.

Fights during family vacations are all-but-guaranteed, according to parenting website Motherly, and are often a result of common factors including concentrated time together, the expectation of perfection and the seeming need to fill every waking minute with thrilling activity.

Parenting is also a common source of tension when multiple families congregate for a joint holiday, like the one described by the original poster.

While some parents allow their children exponentially more freedom on vacation, others maintain the same standards they’ve set at home. And when these opposite techniques collide, children living under strict rule become jealous and irritable, further endangering the delicate family vacation dynamic.

Boy facing wall. Members of Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum defended one mother who refused to enforce her father and stepmother’s strict parenting rules while on vacation. vejaa/iStock / Getty Images Plus

Despite the potential for increased tension, however, laissez-faire parents should not be required to adjust their techniques to match those who refuse to loosen their grip. At least, not according to commenters responding to the viral Reddit post.

“You’re clearly [not the a**hole],” Redditor u/_ewan_ wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 10,000 upvots. “They’re being bizarrely authoritarian for no practical reason and are angry that you’ve shown them up.

“If your child can eat pizza…and go to the (explicitly for children) disco then why can’t theirs?” they continued. “If they had a good reason they’d explain it to their child, if they don’t they just look bad.”

Redditor u/SnakeSnoobies, whose comment has received more than 3,000 upvotes, also questioned the dietary restrictions imposed on OP’s 8-year-old stepbrother.

“A 6-year-old should be able to pick their own food on vacation/at a restaurant,” they wrote. “I have absolutely no idea why their EIGHT year old can’t pick his own food.”

In a separate comment, which has received more than 2,000 upvotes, Redditor u/mdthomas offered a simple assessment of the original poster’s predicament.

“You’re not obligated to change your parenting in order to make it easier for them to parent their child,” they wrote. “Consistency is super important for children.”

Newsweek reached out to u/Hollyivyginge for comment.