MAFS episode 3 recap: A runaway gay, Natalie is a big dork and Mitch’s bro Jayden falls in love with Eden

It’s night three of the MAFS sh*tshow and man do we have some Drama… yes that’s Drama with a capital D.

You know what else starts with D? D*ckhead… and that seems to be the best descriptor for one of our grooms tonight who has done a runner. What a guy.

The episode opens with our previous married couples on honeymoon getting intimate, but do we care? No, because our expert John Aitken is rushing over to groom Michael’s place to deliver some news.

Camera IconMichael’s man has done a runner and now he won’t get his blue tick. Credit: Married at First Sight

It’s disappointing and shocking news, so it’s not bloody good.

John tells Michael: “After the bucks’ and the hens’ night, your match decided to send us an email, saying he no longer wanted to be a part of the experiment.”

Camera IconHe’s just not that into you. Credit: Married at First Sight

Quitting by email!!! What a loser… At least face up to your groom, spend enough nights together to get your blue tick on Instagram and then pull your runaway gay routine.

So that’s that then, you’ll have to continue sleeping alone Mick, can we call you Mick? And you’ll never get your blue tick. HAHAHA. Oh wait, John Aitken has told Michael not to lose hope. Eurghhhh.

Now, we’re meeting Natalie the cosplayer and the voiceover tells us she’s one of the most unique brides we’ve ever seen, which means she’s a big weirdo and she’s got a freakin sob story… her dad died six weeks ago, we also learnt Tin Man Timothy’s dad passed away last night.

Like do you think this is the best thing to be doing right now Natalie, Tim?

She’s also a physio and enjoys working with the elderly. Again Natalie, you seem like a nice lady, are you sure this is the right show for you? Maybe Farmer Wants a Wife would be more up your alley or a stint on Playschool.

Nat’s been hooked up with a sweet bloke named Collins. But I’m going to hold off from hoping, Olivia and Jackson from 2022’s season also seemed so sweet to start with and they turned toxic AF.

Collins has never been in a relationship (probably because he’s a trivia host, while Nat was in one for seven years. Poor Nat, I have a feeling this isn’t going to be fun for you.

Nat has to walk 500 miles to meet her groom and then she has to walk 500 more. She falls. a. lot. Poor lass ends up being carried down the aisle.

Camera IconNat got carried down the aisle. Credit: Married at First Sight

The two of them hit it off and dorky Nat will have to stay with dorky Collins because she’s a Taylor Swift fan and Collins has Eras tickets.

Turns out he is a gentleman though because instead of going in for a pash, he asks Nat where she’d like to be kissed first.

They pash. It’s cute.

Camera IconWill you take this dork to be your wife? Credit: Married at First Sight

At the reception, Nat mentions to Collins she’s cold and it turns out he isn’t a gentleman because he tells her that he’s also cold and keeps his jacket, thank you very much.

Nat asks Collins if he is a dork like her and sadly he tells her he is not… Umm Collins we hate to break it to you mate, but you’re a trivia host, sooooo.

Collins the not-dork tells the producers that Nat is “a lot”.

Nat just did the BIGGEST dorky thing and gave Collins a necklace that matches hers and asks: “Will you be my player one to my player 2?”

Camera IconBe my player 2. Credit: Married at First Sight

NATALIE you just let him win the relationship you silly billy. Collins then tells her that he is a slow burn. Arghhh Nat, you special girl.

Jayden Eynaud is our next groom and his brother is one of MAFS’ worst-ever grooms Mitch Eynaud from season nine.

If you cast your memory back, Mitch dumped Ella May Ding at final vows, asked her to be patient and wait for him and then started boinking Tamara on the Goldie.

Mitch is back on our TV screens and helping his bro Jayden prep for his wedding day. In my experience most brothers are usually opposites of each other and these two appear to be the same which is good news for Jayden’s bride Eden.

Jayden also revealed that he was going to propose to his ex-missus but it turns out one penis wasn’t enough for her and she was becoming acquainted with many behind Jayden’s back.

AND OMG Eden was also cheated on, her ex-partner did the dirty with her BESTEST BEST FRIEND for life.

Great these two are going to be an insecure jealous mess. I can’t wait. They will look pretty together though.

Eden’s friend, not the one who did the deed with her boyfriend, says she deserves the best. At the wedding, Mitch is talking so much sh*t and that’s actually a good thing because Jayden is sh*tting himself. These brothers are in sync baby.

Ella looks like a fairy princess and Jayden is thrilled. These two have nice vibes, let’s just hope there’s no extra-marital boinking.

At their reception, they both confess they both rarely drink and Mitch is eyeing some of Eden’s mates.

They dance, they fall in love, they look beautiful together. I hate them because this can only end badly.

Camera IconThis can only end badly. Credit: Married at First Sight

They have a sweet scene on a swing where they both sip waters and eye f*ck each other. It’s so sickly sweet we could vomit.

Camera IconYour making us sick. Credit: Married at First Sight