Judge John Hodgman on What to Call a Subway Line

Leah writes: My boyfriend, Matt, refers to subway lines by color. Instead of “the A train,” he calls it “the blue line.” This embarrasses me as a native New Yorker. It also doesn’t work: The A, C and E are all blue but stop at different places.

I have lived in NYC for only 30 years, but I believe that invests me with enough authority to pronounce you broken up with Matt, effective immediately. For two reasons. First, if you’ve already explained the subway to him once and he still does this, he will never stop thinking he is smarter than the world (tiresome) and you (wrong). Second, he’s probably from Boston. If you wish to give him a second chance, though, leave a note for him one day to meet you at the northernmost stop on “the blue line.” Either you will be romantically reunited at Inwood, or Matt will be dumped at Jamaica. (Or vice versa).