Jennifer Coolidge swag, Troye goes shirtless & nipple coffee: 10 things we’re obsessed with this week

It’s that unfortunate time of the year when humidity, chill, and Mother Nature’s fickleness combine to create a weather pattern that’s both toxic and unpredictable.

Do you need a heavy or lightweight jacket? Why is it 50 degrees when the Weather app said it was going to snow? Is it global warming or am I poorly dressed for the temperature? And how come I’m eternally parched, but hard seltzers aren’t hydrating?!

Perhaps it’s fitting because it’s been a particularly thirsty week in LGBTQ+ news.

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First off, Jason Kelce convinced a legion of gays to start watching football after showing off his dad bod. Then, gymnast Heath Thorpe showed us just how hard he’s preparing for the Olympics. Plus, we got to appreciate some classic Jake Gyllenhaal shirtlessness.

It wasn’t all buff bodies and thirst traps though. The Academy Awards announced this year’s list of esteemed nominees. And more importantly, voting opened for the 2024 Queerties!

Sweat drops aside, the past few days have been an incredible time for movies, memes, music, and OK, yes, more cute guys.

Pull out the fan, because it’s about to get exceptionally hot. Without further ado, here are the 10 things we’re obsessed with this week…

1. Jennifer Coolidge on The White Lotus merch Image Credit: Etsy

With two Critics’ Choice trophies, twin Emmys, a Golden Globe, and even a Golden Popcorn from the MTV Movie & TV Awards, the sun has finally set on Jennifer Coolidge‘s time as Tanya McQuoid on The White Lotus. But her character’s impact on gay culture –– read: Instagram captions, Twitter X bios, and throw pillows –– cannot be understated.

Thankfully, there’s plenty of ways to keep her memory alive (and instantly win over new queer friends) on Etsy. My personal faves? This vintage-looking tee ($15-$40) featuring her most fab outfits, the catchphrase dad hat (in a variety of colors for $35), and the celebrity prayer candle ($20-$25). Because you can never have too many votives!

2. Cufflinks Image Credit: Random Accessories

According to Modern Gentleman, cufflinks “give the impression that the man wearing them doesn’t merely dress in the morning –– he dresses to impress, because he knows he has places to go and people to see.” I don’t know about all that, but they can certainly give any formal lewk that finishing touch.

I’m always looking for new ways to sneak some quirk into black tie affairs, which is why these personality cufflinks had me gagged. There’s the Paper Clip pair ($29 online at Random Accessories) for office enthusiasts –– and those old enough to remember Clippy from Microsoft Word. The directionally challenged can represent with this Compass combo for $33. And if those are too much, snag the Semi Precious Stones for $45.

3. This oddly-shaped Dune 2 popcorn bucket

The popcorn bucket for ‘DUNE 2’.

(via: @3CFilmss) pic.twitter.com/FzNZjGJiTC

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) January 26, 2024

Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as excited about Timotheé Chalamet‘s return to Paul Atreides as the next person. But I’m even more pumped about this ridiculously suggestive popcorn bucket, which leaked on X and will allegedly be available to moviegoers everywhere.

So, it’s supposed to look like a sandworm’s mouth, but it doesn’t take a sci-fi messiah to realize it totally resembles a butthole. Naturally, the gays are having a field day –– insert “I should call him” joke here –– and I’m sure designers are scrambling for a fix. We’ll see what happens when Dune: Part Two hits theaters on March 1.

4. Jacqueline Novak: Get on Your Knees

Comedian Jacqueline Novak examines the age-old art of giving head in her critically adored one-woman show Get On Your Knees. After becoming a New York darling, hitting up L.A., and then touring the world, the special has finally come to streaming and I’m happy to report it’s just as enthralling onscreen as it is IRL.

The line between poetic and crass is thin, but Novak expertly straddles it for 94 minutes. I can guarantee you’ve never thought this intellectually about blowjobs… and may never look at them the same. But don’t just take it from me –– the special was directed by Natasha Lyonne and John Mulaney dubbed Novak “the Muhammad Ali of comedy.”

5. Less by Andrew Sean Greer Image Credit: Amazon

I’m so late to the party on gay author Andrew Sean Greer’s Pulitzer Prize-winning novel Less that he’s already released a sequel. But after a rec from a friend, I finally picked up his 2017 satirical comedy (available for $10 – $15 on Amazon). Now, I’m ready to start a book club.

On the edge of turning 50, gay writer Arthur Less finds himself at a crossroads after receiving an invite to his ex’s wedding. As a means of avoiding reality, he embarks on a not-quite Eat, Pray, Love-like global trek. Naturally, he’s forced to confronting aging, relationships, and love as he attempts to run away. No spoilers, but I’m excited to dig into 2022’s Less is Lost next.

6. Troye Sivan‘s shameless self promotion

In a recent Instagram post, our queer pop prince undid some buttons on his denim jacket to promote candles and colognes eau de parfums ($89 – $196) from Tsu Lange Yor. (No poppers scents available. Yet.)

But if you’ve got a luxury fragrance brand and you look like twink supreme Troye Sivan, you might as well take advantage of it! And while I haven’t whiffed his collection just yet, I’m ready for the “Rush” singer to creative direct my life.

7. Valentine’s Day Oddities from Target

Does anyone besides my mother decorate for Valentine’s Day? It doesn’t matter, because you can pretend these Target tchotchkes are perennial.

There’s the Ceramic Love Bird ($5), practically made to stare out a windowsill yearningly next to your poppers. The Valentine Ceramic Vespa Figurine ($5) is a perfect way to signal to guests, “I haven’t been to Italy, but I have watched Call Me By Your Name.” And these Oversized Teddy Boucle Heart Throw Pillows (available in red and white for $20) provide the perfect snuggle buddy if your V-Day plans are looking a lil’ empty.

8. Whatever the hell is happening with this guy’s nipple and coffee

If you’re ever short on milk frothers but in high supply of man meat, worry not. You can use your massive pecs to blend a coffee. Apparently.

I’ve got so many questions. Namely, how did this video end up on my feed in the first place? I’m afraid the algorithm knows too much.

9. Queer Eye Funko Pops Image Credit: Funko

Queer Eye Season 8 –– the hit series’ last go-around with design expert Bobby Berk –– just arrived on Netflix. And if you’re going to miss the “new O.G.” Fab Five as much as me, you can memorialize the ugly crying and binge-watching sessions they inspired with these adorable Funko Pops, going for $15 each online.

When did these pop-culture-referencing figurines become so inescapable? No idea, but they’re easy to collect… and so freaking cute. Antoni’s plastic counterpart is armed with fork and bowl, and JVN even comes with a curling iron!

10. Dicks: The Musical Original Motion Picture Soundtrack on Vinyl Image Credit: A24

Have you ever listened to musical standards like “Gay Old Life,” “All Love is Love,” or “Out-Alpha the Alpha,” and thought, “Wow! I wish I could immortalize these tracks on a vintage analog sound storage medium?” Boy, do I have an album for you!

The soundtrack to Aaron Jackson and Josh Sharp’s uber-queer and ultra-bonkers film Dicks: The Musical is coming to creamy white vinyl, now on pre-order for $40 at A24. It’s a must-have for LGBTQ+ film and record connoisseurs alike. Plus, it comes with stickers!

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