Is it okay to cry?

My mom asked me to talk to my dad, so I did it. I welcomed him in open arms even though we haven’t talked ever since he left us. But during the time I visited him, he told me to go upstairs with him and tried to kiss me in the lips suddenly, he also grabbed my hair and told me to remove my clothes so I fought back. He kept calling me the B word so I decided to run away from him. Mom already knows about this and she’s currently filing a case on dad. I just can’t believe this happened to me for the first time. Never have I thought about my dad being abusive, I was about to talk to him with loving intent and he had to do this. I feel as if I never had a father. I keep stopping myself from crying because I remind myself that grown-ups don’t cry, but the tears keep flowing and I tremble so hard that my body feels numb when I try not to cry. The reason why I’m heartbroken now is because I still love my dad even though he abused mom, life is also hard without him. Is it okay to shed tears at least? 😭

Updates: