Inspector Baynes And The Impossible

It had been snowing, off and on, for most of the afternoon and on into the evening. Mrs. Baynes and I had finished our supper, and we were relaxing in the warmth and comfort of the blue and orange flames licking upward from the slow-burning peat in the fireplace.

I was reading Dr. Watson’s account of the Sherlock Holmes investigation into A Case of Identity when suddenly, I exclaimed: “I can’t believe this. —– Mrs. Baynes I just can’t believe this happened …..”

Mrs. Baynes interrupted, “You can believe any thing that Dr. Watson writes. You know he is honest, loyal, trustworthy and true.”

“But Mrs. Baynes,” I continued, “This seems almost impossible to do;– and, yet, he tells us that Holmes did it.”

Nothing is impossible for Sherlock Holmes according to Mrs. Baynes; and she stated emphatically, “Tell me about it, Inspector. Tell me about it.”

“I’m sure, Mrs. Baynes that you are familiar with the wood mantelpiece above the fireplace in the sitting room at 221B. “

”Yes, of course, I am. That’s the place where Mr. Holmes kept his unanswered correspondence transfixed by a jack-knife. And we know that Dr. Watson frequently found the mantelpiece littered with pipes, tobacco pouches, syringes, penknives and revolver cartridges.”

“But Mrs. Baynes, do you know how high it was? What was its height from the floor?”

“Well, I would say that it was about shoulder high of a standing man. I think I have a picture that shows that.”

She went over to the bookcase and pulled down the July 1891 issue of the STRAND magazine. She opened it to the story of A Scandal in Bohemia.

Pointing to the Sidney Padget illustration she said: “There is the mantelpiece with Holmes standing before it. I would say that it is nearly shoulder-high on Holmes, and he’s a tall man. But what is it that you don’t believe?”

‘Well, Mrs. Baynes, in this story that I’ve been reading, A Case of Identity, Sherlock Holmes performs an amazing stunt — an acrobatic antic.”

She barked out: “On with it, Inspector. Get on with it.”

I began the explanation: “In this case, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson had James Windibank in the sitting-room at 221B. Holmes was in the process of detailing how this scoundrel, Windibank, was deceiving and defrauding the sweet and innocent Miss Mary Sutherland, who was Windibank’s step-daughter. Suddenly, Windibank sprang from his chair to leave, but Holmes `stepping over and turning the key in the door’ continued his disclosure. Though Windibank collapsed into a chair, it appears that Holmes was never seated but remained standing.”

“Inspector, there’s nothing wrong with that,” she said.

“But Mrs. Baynes, you need to hear the rest of the story. Next Watson tells us this, and I shall read it to you straight out of the book:

“`Holmes stuck his feet up on the corner of the mantelpiece and, leaning back with his hands in his pockets, began talking, rather to himself, as it seemed, than to us.’ [Doub. p.200}

“Now, picture this in your mind, Mrs. Baynes: Sherlock Holmes is standing over James Windibank making these serious accusations. Suddenly, Holmes goes over to the fireplace — and then Holmes, some how, sticks his feet up on the corner of this shoulder-high mantelpiece.”

“Dear me,” she said, “Oh, dear me. He must have been upside down if he stuck his feet all the way up on that mantelpiece. And besides that” she continued, “ he must have been balancing on his head since he had his hands in his pockets.”

Mrs. Baynes, also, mumbled something about Holmes talking to himself, and then she asked me, “Do you think he has fallen back into his bad habits?”

“No, Mrs. Baynes. It’s just that Mr. Holmes is a bit of a show-off. He likes to attract attention to himself when he has solved a case.”Respectfully,

Insp, Baynes.

(Inspector Baynes is still scribbling away on Sherlock Holmes lore. He can be reached at jceblaw@bellsouth.net)