Inside Chris Neil’s genuine and poignant relationship with an Ottawa teenager

Matthew Paravan has not had the ability to speak in more than a decade, but the teenager has no problem when he wants to communicate a message. 

Using a simple colour-coded system, Matthew is able to tap a green card when he wants to say “Yes” and a red one when his answer is “No.”

On a bright February morning — with sunlight streaming into his bedroom — Matthew is eager to engage in a conversation about Chris Neil’s upcoming jersey retirement. 

“Are you going to feel really proud of Chris?” his mother, Stephanie, asks. 

Matthew taps the green card. 

“Do you think Chris really deserves this?” she asks. 

Matthew taps the green card again — this time with more urgency.

“Look at how fast he touched that,” laughs Stephanie. 

The Paravan family will not be in attendance on Friday evening when Neil’s No. 25 jersey will be raised to the rafters of the Canadian Tire Centre. Matthew’s medical condition forces him to be on his back and lying down at all times, making it impossible for him to enjoy a Senators game in person. 

“He sees more when he’s at home and watching on television,” says his father, Bruno. “The last time he was there, he could only look up at the scoreboard.”

So the Paravan family will be eagerly watching the ceremony from the television inside Matthew’s bedroom on Friday night, soaking in the admiration for their hero from afar. 

While some might argue Neil’s statistical profile should not warrant a jersey retirement, the Paravans want Ottawa fans to understand the major impact the rugged winger had in this community. 

“I see the fans saying, ‘Why are they retiring his number?’ I’m at the front of the line saying, ‘You’re wrong,’” says Matthew’s grandfather Len Lawson. “Those people wondering why they’re raising his number to the rafters, maybe they don’t know everything about Chris Neil like we do.”

In the summer of 2012, Matthew Paravan was progressing like most five-year-old children. 

He loved playing sports, riding his bike and telling jokes. But during a summer camping trip, he experienced an unexpected seizure. And over the next six months, Matthew’s condition slowly deteriorated.

He suffered more seizures. A small lesion was detected on his brain. He started experiencing motion sickness. Then one day in February, he lost the ability to move his left arm. 

Matthew and his family were bounced between the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario and Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto as doctors scrambled to find answers for his perplexing condition. It was during one of his extended stays in Toronto in 2014 that Matthew was first introduced to Chris Neil. 

A mutual friend at Sick Kids Hospital had a connection to Senators forward Zack Smith and arranged for them to attend a practice. Matthew required special permission for a one-day pass to leave the hospital, but his family was desperate to find any way to brighten his mood. 

As the Senators filed into the visitor’s dressing room at the Air Canada Centre, Matthew was eagerly waiting for them in his wheelchair. And one Senators player made an immediate connection with the youngster. 

“It’s funny, when Chris came over, right away he got down to Matthew’s level. And chatted with him right away. He was in close and engaged right away,” says Stephanie. “A lot of people get nervous or awkward around people or kids with disabilities. But Chris absolutely did not.”

After that first interaction with Neil, Matthew’s condition continued to deteriorate. More lesions were discovered on his brain. In the months that followed, he would lose his ability to speak and walk. The seizures started happening with more frequency and intensity.

A good day would see Matthew experience in the neighbourhood of 30 to 50 seizures. On a bad day, he might suffer close to 200 seizures. 

It was on one of those bad days that Chris Neil and his wife, Cait, paid a visit to Matthew’s hospital room. When they arrived, the lights in Matthew’s room were dimmed because he wasn’t feeling well. But within minutes, things brightened up. 

Neil told Matthew the story about how he decided to cut his own hair when he was growing up. He relayed the story in great detail, with passion, energy and humour. And he finished with a flourish, describing his mom’s reaction when he removed his ball cap to expose his botched attempt at a self haircut. What made the story even funnier was the fact Neil’s mom Bonnie was a hairdresser herself. 

“So Chris tells this story and Matthew just had the biggest smile on his face. And at that time, smiling was pretty hard for him. He was just feeling so crappy,” says Stephanie. “For me to witness that interaction, I could just see Matthew’s eyes light up. And that visit solidified their bond. That was the beginning for them.”

Over the next several years, Neil would pay regular visits to see Matthew. 

“If it was just one or two visits, I would tell you the exact number. But we’re probably talking about 10 or 12 times that he came over to brighten his day.” says Stephanie. “Chris never hesitated to come in and talk to Matthew directly. He learned how Matthew’s ‘Yes, No’ cards worked.”

While Neil was lauded for his physicality and toughness on the ice, he often marvelled at the courageousness shown by Matthew. He would always tell Matthew, “You’re so tough. And you’re so strong.”

Their visits would often end with Matthew asking Neil for a hug and the rugged winger obliging by saying, “For sure, buddy.”

“With Chris, it was never about publicity or media. It was just about him saying, ‘Matthew’s a really cool kid. I like spending time with him. And I know it makes a difference in his day when I hang out,’” adds Bruno. “He’s not posting this stuff on social media because Chris doesn’t need the accolades or the publicity around it.”

Matthew dressed as Neil for Halloween one year, a pretty big deal considering Sidney Crosby has always been his favourite player.  The fact Matthew’s bedroom is adorned with Crosby paraphernalia is a fun bone of contention with Neil. But there is a Neil bobblehead doll that is perched atop a mantle overlooking Matthew’s bed. And when the Paravan family was invited to drop the ceremonial puck at a Senators game in 2017, Matthew was wearing a No. 25 Neil jersey when Erik Karlsson pushed his wheelchair to centre ice. Bruno was also on the red carpet wearing a Neil jersey. 

On Matthew’s 11th birthday in November of 2017, Neil brought his own family to the Paravan home to celebrate the occasion.

The family used to tease Matthew that he had a crush on Neil’s daughter Hailey, who is only a few months younger than him. 

“We used to joke around about that. We used to tell Matthew, ‘I don’t think you want to be dating Chris Neil’s daughter,’” laughs Stephanie. 

When the Paravan family was watching a television feature on Neil, they learned the story of how his mother, Bonnie, died unexpectedly in a vehicle accident in 2005. The next time Neil paid a visit, Matthew made sure he relayed a message of sympathy. 

“Matthew had his alphabet and he spelled out, ‘I’m sorry’ after he found out that Chris’ mom had died,” said Stephanie. “That friendship, it’s not like a fan admiring a hockey player. It’s something different. There is a genuine compassion between the two of them.”

As she wraps up that story, Stephanie has another question for Matthew. 

“Do you feel like Chris is your protector, like he was for his teammates on the ice?” she asks. 

Without hesitating, Matthew taps the green card for ‘Yes’. 

By his own admission, Len Lawson rarely misses a minute of Ottawa Senators hockey. 

And Matthew’s grandfather was actually in attendance for one of Neil’s most memorable moments on the ice, when he delivered a thunderous hit on Bruins defenceman Johnny Boychuk in a game in February of 2012. Even though Lawson was sitting on the opposite blue line from where the hit occurred, he could feel the impact up in the 300-level of the arena. 

“I can still remember the thud when those two guys came together. It was amazing,” says Lawson. “That one hit epitomizes what Chris Neil was for the Ottawa Senators. He was all in every night.”

But when you ask Lawson to list the reasons why Neil is worthy of a jersey retirement, he steers away from his on-ice accomplishments. Instead, he focuses on how much of an impact Neil had on families like his in the Ottawa community. 

“Chris was that little ray of sunshine in Matthew’s life. Matthew’s attention span and a little gleam in his eye, he was just captivated every time they met,” says Lawson. “It was heartwarming for me to see him have something so positive, because things haven’t been great for Matty since he was five years old.”

Lawson believes this was a reciprocal relationship, where Neil was equally excited to connect with Matthew. Lawson has run into Neil at various charitable events around the city and he always has an easy conversation starter. 

“All, I have to say to him is, ‘Hi. I’m Matthew Paravan’s grandfather’ and you should see the smile on his face,” says Lawson. “His eyes light up and he asks right away. How are Stephanie and Bruno? And how is Matthew?” 

Lawson says he will have a “giant smile on my face” as Neil’s No. 25 banner is raised to the rafters of Canadian Tire Centre on Friday evening. 

By pure coincidence, Stephanie and Bruno were at the Senators game on November 8 when the club announced they were retiring Neil’s jersey this season. That same night, Stephanie happened to also be sitting in a luxury suite next to Ryan Reynolds, who was also introduced to the home crowd. Reynolds posed for a picture wearing one of the family’s ‘Matthew the Brave’ wristbands. Unprompted, Reynolds then delivered a personalized video greeting for Matthew’s 16th birthday that week. 

Stephanie was able to give Neil a big congratulatory hug for his jersey retirement when he passed by their suite that evening. Matthew was watching all of this unfold on the television inside his bedroom that night. 

“You were super excited to see that, weren’t you?” Stephanie asks Matthew.

He quickly taps the green ‘Yes’ card. 

When she’s watching at home on Friday night, she admits there will be a lot of feelings flowing through her body.

“I think it’s going to be a little emotional,” says Stephanie. “That number is going to be up in the rafters forever. Whenever I go there for anything, a concert or a game, it will be up there.”

Now 16 years old, Matthew regularly attends Canterbury High School. The curriculum is adapted to meet his needs, but he’s able to take a specialized bus and go to school on most weekdays. 

About once per month, Matthew will visit Roger Neilson House, where he undergoes pain management treatment for his condition. And often when he’s making a visit to Roger Neilson House, he’s greeted by a familiar face. After years of volunteering at the building, Cait Neil took a job at Roger Neilson House as the organization’s legacy project coordinator. 

“Any time Cait is working at RNH, she goes up and makes a special visit. She sits by his bed and shows him pictures and gives big updates on how their family is doing,” says Stephanie.

“Cait is such a huge part of this. It’s the two of them,” adds Bruno. “If there was a Hall of Fame for partners or wives, she would be in there.”

The COVID-19 pandemic halted the Neils’ regular visits inside the Paravan home. Given Matthew’s complex condition, the family stayed as isolated as possible inside their home. But Chris and Cait still found ways to help. 

They arranged a meeting for Matthew and Senators captain Brady Tkachuk in the fall of 2021.  When Matthew wanted his Tkachuk jersey autographed, Cait personally took care of the request for him.

“People like Chris and Cait are setting the example for these younger players. They have a young team now, so their girlfriends, wives and partners are young. But now they have phenomenal examples and role models. They are showing them how to create a community,” says Stephanie. 

“I’m glad it’s not just about the stats, because he wouldn’t have his jersey retired,” says Bruno. “But they should have a different category. OK fine, goals, assists, points, plus-minus. But they should also add ‘caring’ at the end. It should be a different category. And I think Chris would lead the league in that.”

(Top photo of Matthew Paravan and Chris Neil: Courtesy of Stephanie Paravan)