Guess who can’t handle a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving? Martha Stewart.

But not everyone.

“This is triggering,” said one woman.

“It would break me,” said another.

OK, that second person was me. I’m at peace enough with my shortcomings that I no longer feel ashamed that at my own wedding, my brother and I were frantically writing place cards as the guests were heading in for dinner.

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But still, I would not inflict a Martha brunch on myself, especially not in the psychologically vulnerable window leading up to Thanksgiving. By the time of the visit, it would be too late to become a wreath person, too late to figure out how to brine a turkey, reserve a turkey to brine, or even honestly, learn what brining is.

And yet, Martha won’t get off my back. Starting Nov. 6, she (or, rather, technically, a publicist) began emailing me about a “one of a kind” experience. Martha’s deal is part of a promotion for a vacation rental site. You can book your stay for $11.23 (in honor of the holiday’s date). It’s part of an abusive trend in which celebrities known for their blonder-than-thou attitudes try to lure regular people to their homes under the guise of beneficence.

(Yes, Gwyneth, I’m thinking of you and your absurd claim earlier this year that you were trying to make the world “less lonely” by letting a civilian book one night at your guest house in Montecito.)

The weekend with Martha includes a wreath-making demo from her executive director of design, so looked at one way, the visit might seem helpful. But considering that Martha is in large part responsible for ratcheting up holiday-decorating expectations, she deserves zero credit for helping two people (or one person and a support animal) deal with what she’s wrought.

Sadly, expectations are only expanding — now to literally include dogs. On Saturday, likely around the time Martha’s “lucky” guests would be bracing for their audience, an email from a local dog-walking and grooming company hit my inbox.

“Get In Your Thanksgiving order!” the subject line read. For what??? I wondered. For this: A “plated” Thanksgiving dinner for your goldendoodle.

The holiday meal includes skinless baked turkey, black-eyed peas, yams, green beans, a mini puppy pumpkin pie, and mashed potatoes. Ten bucks per dog. At first that seemed offensively expensive, but after a quick call to the chef confirmed the meal would be safe for non-canine guests, I realized I’d stumbled onto a bargain. Especially when I considered the added benefit: The bar for next year for me would be mercifully low. How’s Beth? She’s good — she served us people food!

Some people are blessed not to get sucked into the Thanksgiving anxiety vortex. But for others, it starts to build as they’re berating themselves while wolfing down the last of their secret Snickers Halloween stash.

The pressure comes from the media, societal expectations — and, often, from inside the house. I recently heard about a woman whose kids no longer want turkey, and who was giddy because she figured she’d get off easy by skipping the bird in favor of sides.

Alas, her husband has not joined the fake #MakeSidesTheMain campaign (being pushed by Shipt, a delivery service company). “He said he likes the smell of a roasting turkey,” she said. “I told him I’ll get a turkey-scented candle.”

I love the idea of candling your way out of things, and sure enough, there’s a candle on Etsy that is crafted to smell like turkey, gravy, beans, and rolls. But oh, no! A warning on the site described the candle as “in demand.” Imagine planning to serve your family a candle and it’s sold out? Then what? Time to order a backup turkey-scented air freshener.

Heading into the Martha weekend, I’d asked the publicist if I could debrief the “lucky” guests post-visit. But it was a hard no. “Unfortunately,” the publicist wrote after the weekend, “the bookers weren’t interested in being interviewed for this opportunity.”

One can only imagine what went down at the farm, particularly since news had broken toward the end of last week that Martha Stewart had canceled plans to host Thanksgiving. As the headline in People magazine read: ‘I’m Turkeyed Out!’

Martha Stewart is “turkeyed out”? Good God, what hope do the rest of us have? Bring on the doggie bags.

Beth Teitell can be reached at beth.teitell@globe.com. Follow her @bethteitell.