Greg Gutfeld: Who will the FBI come for next?

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Well, it’s official. So with the help of the FBI, the Democratic Party just endorsed Donald Trump for president of the United States. Well done. But I wonder if the president will profoundly accept the nomination for president of the United States. 

DONALD TRUMP: I profoundly accept this nomination for president of the United States. 

It’s happening. Yeah. That raid was a real smart move. You want to take a larger-than-life character and make him even larger? You raid his frickin’ house. Basically, they just gave Popeye a 55 ounce can of spinach. They just gave Hunter Biden a brand-new crack pipe and a high speed Internet access. They just gave me a book of 1001 poop jokes

GREG GUTFELD: CHINA’S REVENGE HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN

Because the raid not only angers Republicans, it energizes them and it energizes Trump. And unlike all the other shows, we actually have tape of the raid [Movie clip insert]. 

Now the raid is **** wrong, but you got to keep your sense of humor on this for a reason. Part of the strategy of the raid is to get you to react so that they can then cover your anger as danger. 

The press is already sounding the alarm over the rage on pro-Trump message boards. They’re ready to go, they say, as if you’re going to do commit acts of violence. So don’t get mad. Instead, sympathize. 

The Dems want Trump back and for good reason. They can’t survive without him. They are drowning and he is their oxygen. You know, they’re just too boring and uninspiring. If Trump’s filet mignon. Democrats are warm Tapioca. Maybe it’s because their current leader’s brains are warm Tapioca. So they’ll do anything to keep the spotlight off him. I mean, can you blame them? This guy gets into fights with his own clothes. 

Roll it Pedro: [Video of Biden struggling to put his coat on] 

Give him time. He’ll remember where the arms go some day. Thankfully, it was a jacket and not his pants. But it’s also kind of scary when it takes mere seconds for Joe to forget that he just shook someone’s hand. 

[Video of Joe Biden appearing to forget he shook Chuck Schumer’s hand]

That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. Oh, my God. No wonder they hide him like a cold sore at a kissing booth. Oh, what gives, Joe? 

STAFFER IMITATING JOE BIDEN: Leave me alone. I like ice cream. Come on, man. I got chocolate chip. 

Of course, while much of the country will be pissed off over the raid, the left embraced the news like it was a box of Kleenex at a sperm bank. 

RACHAEL MADDOW: Tomorrow is the day when you’re going to want to buy the physical copy of the newspaper. You’re going to want to buy it and fold it carefully. 

NANCY PELOSI: No one is above the law, not even a presidential or former president of the United States. 

CNN SPEAKER: This is a night where you are going to remember where you were. 

CNN SPEAKER: He also has the lying advantage. The government’s not going to lie, but Donald Trump will lie profusely. 

JOE SCARBOROUGH: And the fact that people, weak people are running around going, oh, what are we going to do? They’re saying ugly things on Fox News. What do you expect? Like this guy is going to be brought to justice. He’s broken the law. Everybody knows that. 

Well, hip, hip, hooray for tyranny. And this for people who do nothing but whine about how our democracy is under assault. What absolute jerk offs. 

So if the raid is about classified documents, then you didn’t need a raid at all. But like Biden’s son, they also know what makes for exciting video. And as Andy McCarthy points out in The New York Post, it’s likely the White House is pressuring the Justice Department to link Trump criminally to January 6. 

Sadly, the FBI seems like another institution polluted by politics. Except unlike college lefties, they punish you with arrests, not by spelling your name wrong on your latte. 

They investigate some people, but not others. I could go through the list, but you’ve heard it. At least on this network you have. If they were any deeper in the swamp, they’d have alligators for baby mommas. That’s disgusting. 

And especially after pushing the Russian collusion hoax. How can you give them a pass on this now? I mean, they show up at the house, they go through all of his stuff, including his safe, which is why I don’t have a safe. Oh, I keep everything in between my mattress and box spring. Thank God that doll is easy to inflate. 

But it seems like all of our institutions are imploding like a Twix bar in Stacey Abrams back pocket. Maybe it’s due to Wokeism or anti-Trumpism or plain old elitism. It’s a far cry from the good old days when they knew to keep politics at bay. 

And if they don’t come out with one major smoking gun from that raid and I mean major like a video Trump French kissing Putin or Don Jr. with Pelosi in a headlock as Eric rifles through her purse, then you’re going to have a country that’s more pissed off than R. Kelly after two quarts of Snapple. It’s disgusting. 

This isn’t a policy decision. This is a former president’s house being raided. Can you imagine doing this to Obama or Biden in a few years? Or Hillary? Come to think of it, they should raid her place in Chappaqua just to find evidence if Bill’s ever been there. We know he likes to leave DNA around. 

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The FBI, it seems, thinks they’re the country and they’re not, they’re not even a third world country despite their banana republic antics. 

America right now is a beautiful car whose steering keeps pulling to the left, and the engine light has come on for the 10th time and they’ve run out of electrical tape to hide it. We know there’s a problem under the hood. It’s all of these supposedly neutral institutions having now chosen a team. It would cost us too much to get a whole new car, but we should at least replace the drive train in a couple of months. 

Last night’s raid was just another example in a pattern of one way persecution where they pay you a visit and it’s up to you to prove your innocence. It’s the same mentality with the IRS agents. Hey, if you don’t cheat, you have nothing to nothing to hide.

So who will they go for next? Maybe you. Maybe me. All I know is, in preparation for the raid, I moved my collection of adult oriented Beanie Babies out of the house. Some people wouldn’t understand. 

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel’s (FNC) “Gutfeld!” (weekdays 11PM/ET) and co-host of “The Five” (weekdays 5PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. He is the author of several books. His latest is “The Plus: Self-Help for People Who Hate Self-Help.” Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.