God Save the King’s a dirge, so let’s find an alternative anthem

Tim Dowling kvetches nicely about the turgidness of God Save the King (The British national anthem is ponderous rubbish – if a university wants to ditch it, it’s doing us all a favour, 11 December). But all national anthems are terrible – if not from the musical point of view (which I don’t feel qualified to judge) then from the moral one.

They can be divided into three groups. First are the “Hooray For Us” songs which are the epitome of smug national vanity and conceit. Next there are the “Down With Everyone Else” songs which are full of aggression and hate, and are little better than warnings to any nations that haven’t been conquered yet to watch out. Finally there are the “God Bless Whoever Happens to Be in Power” ditties, full of flattery and toad-eating. We British, being a nation of born forelock-tuggers, have chosen the third category, perhaps because it’s simple and nobody (least of all the poor monarch) believes we mean a word of it. It would be a much worse world in which people habitually sang their national anthems sincerely.J Michael CuleHigh Wycombe, Buckinghamshire

I write further to Tim Dowling’s rather churlish dismissal of the national anthem following the decision by the University of Bristol to play it only when members of the royal family or lords lieutenant are present at graduation ceremonies. Rather than, by insinuation, implying that those who do like the music concerned are uneducated, your correspondent may wish to suggest a replacement. I would recommend the rousing tones of Jerusalem (Blake/Parry/Elgar).Keeley-Jasmine CavendishDulwich, London

Tim Dowling is right on two counts: the national anthem is rubbish musically, and there is no legal requirement to sing it on any occasion. Bristol is in England, and the old national song of England is much better: The Agincourt Carol, Deo Gratias Anglia, is truly a stirring song, and acceptable to Conservatives as it tells of King Henry V crossing the Channel in small boats, to beat up the French!Woody CaanDuxford, Cambridgeshire

Can we ensure that Half Man Half Biscuit’s National Shite Day is included for consideration? I’m sure Guardian readers can suggest numerous occasions when it might be appropriate to play it, including the anniversary of the Brexit referendum.Peter EvansWest Chiltington, West Sussex

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