GOAL! Celtic 1-1 Lazio (Vecino 29)

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“Lascelles cam,” begins Mark Hooper. “Zero shots on goal from PSG first half, Lascelles faring pretty well so far.”

Yup, fair enough – and he won a big header for the second goal too.

We’re back under way at Parkhead.

“Sometimes I wish we could place a moratorium on all complaints about refereeing and/or VAR,” says Matt Burtz. “Yes, wrong decisions are made. Yes, a game of football has fine margins. Yes, wrong decisions can often decide important games. I don’t have a problem with VAR necessarily, but the constant whining about missed or wrong calls is often more annoying than said calls themselves. (And I don’t think Jürgen Klopp deserves any brownie points for being diplomatic about it either, though asking for a replay seems a bit dramatic.)“

I have a problem with VAR partly because I also don’t like ref-chat. I don’t care if refs make mistakes, so I’d not have compromised the goalscoring moment to try and improve a system i thought was fine already. No one fell in love with football because of how well its decision-making system works.

Updated at 16.03 EDT

What a half for Newcastle. If they can hang on, they’ll be in a very strong position in the group and I can’t say I’m surprised to see how well they’ve played. In 1999-00, Leeds were a problem because teams weren’t ready for their blend of quality and physicality; Newcastle aren’t dissimilar to them.

Right, I’m off to put my daughter to bed; I’ll be back with you in a few for the second halves – or should that be seconds half.

Half-time scores

Group E

Celtic 1-1 Lazio

**

Group F

Borussia Dortmund 0-0 AC Milan

Newcastle United 2-0 PSG

**

Group G

Crvena zvezda 1-0 Young Boys

Leipzig 0-1 Man City

**

Group H

Porto 0-1 Barcelona

GOAL! Porto 0-1 Barcelona (Torres 45+1)

Porto are devod! They give it away in midfield, Gundogan slides in Ferran, his old man City mucker, and the finish is expert, slid past the keeper before he can set.

Barcelona’s Ferran Torres slots home to score on the stroke of half-time. Photograph: Luis Vieira/AP

Updated at 15.55 EDT

GOAL1 Newcastle United 2-0 PSG (Burn 42)

DAN BURN HAS SCORED FOR NEWCASTLE IN THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE! The two checks – one for handball when Lascelles won the initial header – and one for offside, when Bruno picked up possession – went in their favour, and this is another wonderful performance from Eddie Howe’s team!

Dan Burn head doubles the Magpies’ lead. Photograph: Owen Humphreys/PABurn (second left) is congratulated by his teammates. Photograph: Carl Recine/Reuters

Updated at 15.54 EDT

A few minutes ago, Alexander Isak, whose nickname is, I trust, Chris, was down having his heed bandaged. But he seems fine now, and his team are all over it! Trippier sticks a free-kick in the box, Donnarumma makes a save from Bruno who gets the ball back off Tonali, flights a cross to the back post, Burn leaps like a lanky salmon folding over his man to punish home a header … and there’s a check – for various things, I think. But if it’s a goal, what a moment it’ll be for the Burn family, Newcastle fans all. Goodness me, this is a long wait.

Updated at 15.46 EDT

GOAL! Crvena zvezda 1-0 Young Boys (Ndiaye 35)

Bukari nips outside his man, shoots, and Ndiaye is there to turn the errant effort in at the back post.

In Porto, Robert Lewandowski has gone off injured, replaced by Ferran Torres. More generally, I think Barca are on the way back under Xavi – Balde, Pedri and Gavi are very serious players – but are miles off where they want to be.

“Anthony Taylor bringing the PL refereeing-quality to Porto tonight,” writes Peter Littley. “Clear penalty to Porto not called, shirt-pull followed by full-body collision and no ball-contact. Forget VAR just get quality refs.”

I dunno – from where are quality refs got? I just think it’s a really difficult job, and VAR has made things worse. Before it refs were , I think, up at over 95% correct decisions so really, there wasn’t much needing fixing – certainly not enough to sacrifice the joy of properly celebrating a goal.

GOAL! Celtic 1-1 Lazio (Vecino 29)

A corner drops inside the Celtic box, bounces up, and Lazio win the second ball allowing Vecino to nod in despite Hart’s despairing hand clawing the ball away from behind the line.

Lazio’s Matias Vecino scores their equaliser at Celtic. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/Reuters

Updated at 15.45 EDT

GOAL! Leipzig 0-1 Manchester City (Foden 25)

Bernardo finds Lewis with a terrific pass in behind and Lewis, who started the move, cuts back for Foden, arriving onto the ball to control a fine finish into the ground. He’s gathering momentum again isn’t he?

Manchester City’s Phil Foden fires home to open the scoring against RB Leipzig. Photograph: Odd Andersen/AFP/Getty Images

Updated at 15.36 EDT

Ach! Newcastle have just done Paris with the Anderton/Sheringham corner, Schar turning his shot around the post.

“He’s been most impressive for Leipzig,” returns Ingo Herzke, this time on Simons. “Six games, three goals, five assists. Fast legs, fast thinking, always knows where everyone is moving. He’s going places, I’d say.”

Miguel Almiron, though. I knew he was better than we’d seen, but I can’t say I thought the MLS version of him would turn up in Newcastle – and yet here we are. Credit to Eddie Howe in that aspect – players are improving under him. I imagine he’s got a captive market – those at Newcastle before the takeover now want to all they can to stay there, and those he’s signed owe him for that.

GOAL! Newcastle United 1-0 PSG (Almiron 17)

Marquinho tries a chip out of defence, someone – Guimaraes I think – intercepts via header, and when Donnarumma saves Isak’s shot, Almiron screeches onto the scene to open body and pass a fine finish into the far side-netting! st James’ explodes!

Updated at 15.35 EDT

Lewis and Foden come close for City, Lewis dragging back beautifully before having his shot blocked and Foden picking up the loose ball to drill wide … but at the far post, Bernardo really out to have turned in.

At St James’, Paris have been better early doors, though Almiron has just swatted over from the edge.

GOAL! Celtic 1-0 Lazio (Kyogo 12)

There he is! Maeda makes ground down the right and plays inside to O’Reilly on the edge, whose first-time pass puts Kyogo in, and he slots his finish as he does!

Celtic’s Kyogo Furuhashi scores their first goal against Lazio. Photograph: Russell Cheyne/ReutersThen wheels away in celebration. Photograph: Andrew Milligan/PA

Updated at 15.30 EDT

In Leipzig, the pattern is set, City dominating the ball without creating much … but as I type, Foden shoots into the nearest set of legs, while Celtic get the ball into the Lazio box, causing wild excitement.

What do we make of Xavi Simons? There feels something wholesome about him doing well but in the frankly embarrassing amount of football I watch, I’ve not seen loads of him. Any thoughts?

Milan have started well in Dortmund while, in Leipzig, it’s not really settled. Oh, and right as I look up, Mbappe breaks down the left, flips over to Dembele on the right of the box, and he volleys – think Bruno Fernandes at Burnley – just wide.

Lazio almost get in behind Celtic – who, we should remind waselves, are playing Nat Phillips at the back as Gustaf Lagerbielke is supended following his red card in Rtterdam.

“Bit disappointed they didn’t warm up in the cosy knitwear, I have to say.” laments Igo Herzke.

Not sure about that, it looks itchy as.

Away we go!

I wonder how Jamaal Lascelles will get on against Ramos and Kolo Muani. Botman is a big miss for this one, and I’d be targeting him if i was playing up top for Pris – which, for avoidance of doubt, I’m not.

Here come wa teams!

There are flags and mosaics at st James’ and it is not, of course, hard to understand the buzz. And yet.

Fans savour the atmosphere at St James’ Park ahead of kick-off. Photograph: Michael Regan/Getty Images

Updated at 15.09 EDT

“My late father,” begins Scott Blair, “despite various health problems including having suffered tuberculosis as a young man, was a fiercely committed smoker and (in his later years) inveterate cardigan-wearer. It must have been around his 60th birthday when my mum bought him a new one, and it was clear it hadn’t gone down all that well. Pressed for an explanation, he pointed out that the cardy only had one pocket, whereas he required two – ‘one for my fags, and one for my inhaler.’ I’ll be surprised if there’s a crossover with the tailoring options of the Man City version, but thought I’d share anyway!”

Tremendous.

Looking at the Celtic team, they’ve got the players to hurt Lazio. I worry about them defensively, but Kyogo and Daizen Maeda are trouble, when given scope to create.

And Shakhtar have won 3-2 in Antwerp. they join Porto and Barcelona on three points.

Atleti have beaten Feyenoord 3-2; they top Group E with four points while Feyenoord have three. Lazio and Celtic have one and none respectively.

Just the five goals for Haaland last time City played Leipzig.

Email! “Aside from Erling Haaland looking like he could play a particularly dangerous Targaryen in House of The Dragon,” says Nick Smith, “I can’t be the only one to think Paddy Considine could play Scott Carson in the inevitable movie of his life? Anyone? I’ll get my cardigan…”

I’d love to see his interpretation of the Bursaspor period.

Photograph: Lexy Ilsley/Manchester City FC/Getty Images

Updated at 14.48 EDT

Eddie Howe has picked the team you expect him to, given Sven Botman is injured. I guess Jacob Murphy might be disappointed to miss out, but Miguel Almiron has been in good nick recently, so. Paris, meanwhile, are playing a 4-4-2 – I think – with Ousmane Dembele and Kylian Mbappe flanking Manuel Ugarte and Warren Zaire-Emery in midfield, behind Goncalo Ramos and Randal Kolo Muani. It might, though, also be a 4-4-2 diamond – we shall see.

Updated at 15.01 EDT

In Antwerp, Shakhtar now lead 3-2; Atleti sare still 3-2 in front at home to Feyenoord.

Leipzig, meanwhile, will play 4-2-2-2, one of my least favourite formations. But they’ve been playing it pretty well so far this season, and Emil Forsberg is a player who might give City trouble.

We’ll stick with City to look who starts for them and, at the back, Josko Gvardiol replaces Nathan Ake. In midfield, it’s Rico Lewis and Rodri, not Matteo Kovacic and Matheus Nunes while, behind Haaland, Grealish and Bernardo replace Alvarez and Doku. City appear to have some strength in depth.

So yes, this – but with CARSON 33 on the back.

Photograph: Lexy Ilsley/Manchester City FC/Getty Images

Updated at 14.47 EDT

OH MY COMPLETE AND UTTER DAYS! The Man City players have turned up in cardigans and – as if that wasn’t enough – they’ve got their names and numbers on the back!

Updated at 14.19 EDT

Group H

Porto v Barcelona

Group G

RB Leipzig v Manchester City

Crvena zvezdza v Young Boys

Updated at 14.20 EDT

Group F

Borussia Dortmund v AC Milan

Newcastle United v Paris Saint-Germain

Group E

Celtic v Lazio

Otherwise, let’s do some teams; on TNT, Eddie Howe is talking about how happy he is, and how when Newcastle lost to Cambridge, the Champions League seemed a long way away. I don’t know, maybe them getting there for this season was slightly surprising, but also, it was inevitable they’d get there at some point.

Goal-machine Alvaro Morata and what words those are to type, has put Atleti 3-2 up on Feyenoord.

Preamble

Evening all, and welcome to another evening of Champions League football Champions League Football! I never thought I’d say this, but we’ll miss these group stages when they’re gone and tonight’s fixtures are part of the reason why.

I will, of course, be providing updates on Newcastle v PSG – a game you can follow in MBM form here – but there’s a surfeit of other behaviour to enjoy, so let’s get on with that, beginning with the other fixture in that group, Borussia Dortmund v AC Milan. The German unchampions competed well enough losing in Paris the other week, though looked worryingly impotent, while Milan will still be smarting they failed to beat the Geordies; in what looks like being a tight group, home wins are essential.

In Group E, Lazio – who drew 1-1 at home to Atlético in “gameweek 1” visit Parkhead with Celtic, beaten 2-0 in Rotterdam, in desperate need a result. Meantime, Atléti and Feyernoord are 2-2 with 50 or so minutes gone.

Group G serves us winners v winners and losers v losers, holders Manchester City travelling to face Leipzig with Crvena zvezda taking on Young Boys, while in Group H, two more victors from the first round of games meet with Porto entertaining Barcelona; the meeting between the losers sees Antwerp leading Shakhtar 2-1.

As Burna Boy sings, it’s plenty. It’s just a shame Uefa – and the clubs – aren’t listening.

Kick-offs: 8pm BST

Updated at 14.28 EDT