Erling Haaland’s genius cancelled out by late Cole Palmer penalty as Chelsea hold Man City in thriller

Chelsea 4-4 Man City (Silva 29′, Sterling 37′, Jackson 67′, Palmer pen 90’+5′ | Haaland pen 25′, 47′, Akanji 45’+1, Rodri 86′)

STAMFORD BRIDGE — Thirty-two Premier League goals with his left foot, six with his right, 10 headers, one with… what was that one scored with, exactly?

It definitely wasn’t either of Erling Haaland’s feet, or his head. The official statisticians class it as “anything below shoulder and above knee”. Watching back slow-motion replays it was hard to tell precisely, but seemed to be his, er, perineum, to put it politely?

However he scored the second of two goals, Haaland yet again played a starring role in a thrilling game between Chelsea and Manchester City that was, for once, entertaining for all the right reasons, edged the Norwegian towards yet another record, left City top of the Premier League table and the player two goals clear at the top of the goal-scoring chart.

It wasn’t even so much the way Haaland finished the move but the way he was so pivotal in its creation. Chelsea had been on the attack when City won the ball back and Bernardo Silva thumped a pass towards Haaland, 10 yards inside City’s half.

The control was incredible, taming the fierce ball with Moises Caicedo breathing down his neck and laying off for Phil Foden. Then the sprint towards Chelsea’s penalty area, running as though his life depended on it, with passion and determination and the unerring self-belief that at the end of this exhausting exertion lay a goal.

Meanwhile, Foden and Julian Alvarez did the rest, working the ball up the pitch. When the Argentinian rolled the ball across, of course Haaland was there, unable quite to turn it in with his feet but thrusting alternative body parts, however potentially painful, to ensure it went in.

While Haaland was obviously ecstatic at winning the Gerd Muller Trophy at the Ballon d’Or as Europe’s highest scoring player, there were a shots of the player looking a bit sultry after the ceremony. And you can understand why: he had just been victim to football’s most high-profile robbery since Bobby Moore was accused of stealing a £625 diamond and emerald bracelet at the 1970 World Cup.

The Norwegian had plundered 52 goals in 53 games, a record-crushing 36 in the Premier League and 12 in the Champions League while winning the Treble, all in his debut season aged only 22. Lionel Messi had won the World Cup, granted, and a few trophies in France, but had he not been Lionel Messi there would be no question. Haaland would’ve been crowned No 1, not little-remembered second place.

Haaland only needs to score once in his next 17 games to become the quickest player to 50 Premier League games (Photo: Getty)

He may never win a Treble again, will probably never win a World Cup or European Championship with Norway, but more goal-scoring records will tumble. Twenty goals in 21 games this season, his two against Chelsea moving him to 49 goals in 47 Premier League games.

After being quicker to 10, 20, 30 and 40 Premier League goals than any other striker, if he scores once in the next 17 games he will beat Andy Cole’s record of half-a-century of top-flight goals in 65 games, besting the very best to have played in England, including Alan Shearer and Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

And there is so much more to him than merely goals. For Haaland and City’s first, it was clever No 9 play to win the penalty. Because — let’s be honest — it was clearly won.

Haaland and Marc Cucurella had as much of each other’s shirts before the City striker burst in front of the Chelsea defender before going down. It’s hard to believe Cucurella would even have the strength to wrestle Haaland to the floor if he tried.

That was, at least, the only real moment that the VAR threatened to steal the show with a lengthy delay followed by an unusual decision.

If Chelsea’s frantic, frenetic win against nine-man Spurs six days before had been entertaining in the sort of way that spending most of the time waiting to see what decisions unseen and silenced officials make several miles away from a stadium is entertaining, this was enthralling and engaging for the relentless attacking football, the feistiness, the strong but (largely) fair tackles, the goals, the saves, the misses.

The luck and chaotic randomness of Thiago Silva sticking out a leg to divert Rodri’s shot into the bottom corner. The calmness of Cole Palmer — only 21 years old — to score a penalty deep into stoppage time to equalise against the club he left only 10 weeks ago.

Manuel Akanji’s header in first-half stoppage time just when Mauricio Pochettino thought his side were going into the break with an unexpected lead. Pochettino’s fury emanating from the dugouts.

And that bizarre goal scored with anything below shoulder and above knee.