Draymond Green wants a max contract from Warriors. I also would like $10 million for writing this article

According to The Athletic, Draymond Green is interested in a max contract this offseason from the Golden State Warriors, to the tune of $164.2 million over five years.

Secondary reaction: Let’s play this out.

Green still has two years left on his current contract, but would technically be able to opt out before next season and renegotiate. It should be noted that while Green is an important contributor to the Warriors, who just won the NBA Championship, it’s also true that he’s 32 years old, hasn’t averaged double digit points since the 2017-18 season, and missed two months of play with a back injury this past season. He’s an important piece, but a max deal? Nope, sorry—not worth the money.

All of which is to say: If the Warriors are intending to give him a max contract, I would like $10 million as well. This is nowhere near a max deal, and in fact it would put me as one of the lowest-paid players on the team, but if Joe Lacob is in the mood to waste money, I’d like to let him know that I’m also here, asking for money. It can’t hurt.

Now, there are some obstacles here, for both Draymond and me. First, it doesn’t appear that the Warriors are willing to renegotiate this year, which is probably a more polite way of saying “hellllll no” to the concept of Green getting a max deal. Second, they already paid a record $170 million in luxury taxes this past season (plus a nice $500,000 fine to Lacob for calling it “very unfair”), and they’ve got three other players—Klay Thompson, Jordan Poole, Andrew Wiggins—who are both better than Green and who will also need new contracts soon.

And yet, there’s always a chance that Lacob says “screw it” and just forks over tons of money for Green and the NBA’s luxury tax fund. In which case, I want to let him and the Warriors organization know that I’m willing to do some minimal level work for my own $10 million. I can write blogs, or tweet, or do podcasts/videos that are ostensibly independent but cover the team in the best possible light. I don’t want to work hard, per se—it wouldn’t be fair, considering the amount of money you’re handing out to Draymond for his level of production—but I can make gestures at earning the $10 million.

The good news is that Green has an important person on his side should he want to fight for that max deal: Steph Curry. Per The Athletic:

Perhaps a bigger concern is how the NBA Finals MVP would feel about Green not getting an extension. Multiple sources said Curry would not be happy if the Warriors lost Green because the team didn’t want to pay him. Curry is under contract for four more years and has a desire for Green and Thompson to be with him for the length of his stay. A three-year extension would align Green’s contract with Curry’s.

To Steph Curry: I can also be a loyal friend who adds value to your life. I’m the guy that’s constantly buying your favorite candy, making timely jokes, and agreeing with whatever you say and do, but in a way that’s not ingratiating. I’ll run errands for you and your family, and I’ll even invest in nice clothes and pretend to like whatever music you enjoy. Also, I’ll play golf with you, but badly, but also quickly, so you’ll always have a baseline feeling of superiority without getting annoyed.

If the Warriors aren’t interested in coming to the table, Green has a couple options. He can put his nose to the grindstone and treat the 2022-23 season as a proving ground and ball out of his mind to earn that max deal. Alternatively, he can opt out and seek greener pastures elsewhere, and who knows? Maybe some team will bite and pay the man. Plus, he’s got a nice trade kicker that might come into play.

It’s unlikely, but in case something like that comes to pass from any team in the NBA, any team at all, let me just say this: I’m also available. All I ask in return? $10 million.