Christina and Brenton spend the night together as the intruders make their mark

We’ve officially reached the thirsty point of Big Brother, because there’s no aphrodisiac like being stuck in a house with a bunch of strangers and nothing to eat but tuna and chickpeas.

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This episode really caters to everyone’s romantic appetites.

On one end, we have Christina, the hot Russian flight attendant, and oft-topless intruder Brenton, the hot *insert occupation here*, sharing a night together on the dusty floor of the Big Brother hallway.

On the other, we have new housemate Adriana taking several shameless cracks at Danny in the bathroom, and Danny awkwardly giggling and running off.

Here she is asking him to “feel her abs” shortly before complimenting him on his hair and scent.

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It’s a new day, and after some lengthy footage of Brenton putting on moisturiser topless from different angles, we cut to Christina asking him a series of rapid-fire question.

“What’s your mother’s maiden name?” she asks.

“What was the model of your first car?” she follows with.

“And your first pet’s name?” she probes in the seamless and flowing conversation as sparks fly between them.

“She asks a lot of questions and she seems genuinely curious about me and what I have to say, and I find that really sexy,” Brenton gushes to Big Brother.

Yep.

Things aren’t moving fast enough between them for Big Brother, who’s giving off a weirdly horny vibe this episode, so instead of just locking the two of them in a room together, he locks Danny and Sid in the “panic room” for three hours and forces them to complete a fake task.

They fail, and as a result, must choose two housemates to be on “security watch” overnight. They choose Brenton and Christina, thus forcing them to spend the night together.

This segment made literally no sense, but it killed a good 20 minutes of this feature-film length episode, so let’s move on.

Adriana, whose actual occupation is stylist, dresses Christina for her “overnight security watch” with Brenton in a gold top with no pants and a pair of heels.

They spend the night pacing up and down the hallway in hi-vis vests telling each other they’re hot before curling up on the floor at 3am.

It’s like watching a fairy tale unfold.

After their night of torchlit floor romance, they return to the main house to tell the others about their date. Frustratingly, they don’t spill any juicy details, which means it’s time for one of Big Brother’s tedious nomination games.

Intruders Brenton, Gabe and the twins still need to either win a challenge or be voted in by the original housemates, so it’s a big day for the four of them.

Naturally, they have to scoop buckets of corn kernels into a funnel to prove their value. Unsurprisingly, it’s very boring to watch.

Brenton wins the challenge and is allowed to stay in the house for his totally realistic romance with Christina to continue to blossom.

As for the remaining three, they’re to scramble for the final spot in the house.

One of the twins, Charlotte, concedes that she’s happy to go home over her sister Alex. She hints that she wasn’t that interested in signing up to Big Brother in the first place so it’s worked out pretty well.

The housemates vote and Gabe scores the spot, but before the hot twins can wheel their suitcases bursting with matching outfits out of the house, Big Brother calls them back.

He tells them there is actually another place for one of them in the house, but they have to compete against each other for it in one of his complicated games.

It would be a gag-worthy moment if Charlotte hadn’t pretty much told us she doesn’t care if she stays or not.

But they’re hot twins and this is reality TV, so Channel 7 needs to milk at least one more episode out of them.

It’s just the way it is.