Charita Goshay: It’s time for moms to be a little bit selfish

You don’t have to be fan of country music to have felt badly upon hearing the news that Country Music Hall of Famer Naomi Judd died recently by suicide.

When Judd and her two daughters left their rural Kentucky home for Nashville back in the 1980s, they beat astronomical odds. Thousands of hopefuls flock to the music capital every year. Few make it.

The Judds were juggernauts.

Naomi Judd had talent, beauty, fame and a husband and two daughters who adored her.

And it wasn’t enough.

Charita Goshay

She never hid her illness. A former psychiatric nurse, Judd talked about her struggles with severe depression and even wrote a book about it.

Ours remains a culture in which we’re still surprised that having children is not “motive” enough for women to resist suicide. But studies show that while more men die from suicide, women are 3 to 4 times more likely to attempt it.

The Judd sisters are about to spend a lifetime wondering what, if anything, they could have done to prevent their mother’s death; it’s only natural. So, it says something about the depth of their mother’s suffering that she would relegate her children to such a fate.

Walking on water

The news stories which often get the most online clicks involve mothers killing their own children and themselves. But few offer an in-depth look at why a woman might resort to such an extreme and desperate act.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women, in some cases outpacing medical disorders. Women suffering from postpartum depression account for 20% of all pregnancy-related deaths.

Describing motherhood as life-changing and all-consuming is an understatement on steroids. Moms are expected to possess the powers of a superhero; to be all and know all; to able to solve all problems while walking on water and churning their own butter.

We know mothers will eat fire and skin a wolverine in defense of their children.

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Whoever created the phrase “ride-or-die” had moms in mind. When everyone else has thrown up their hands, mothers throw their arms around their prodigals.

Mothers are marketed as magic when, in reality, they’re simply human.

Even in 2022, moms still are expected to place all things and all others ahead of themselves. Though “self-care” has become the buzzword of the moment, and although men have stepped up much more than in the past, mothers still wrestle with the notion that “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”

Mothers are marketed as magic when, in reality, they’re simply human.

Over the past two years, many mothers have struggled mightily trying to keep their families functional in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. Even prior to COVID-19, parents were being buffeted by America’s lack of paid family leave and affordable child care.

Among the world’s wealthy nations, America’s appalling absence of political will to support policies to strengthen and stabilize families sticks out like a dirty diaper.

Mothers — single mothers in particular — have long languished at the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder. Some lost ground during the pandemic and they have yet to regain it.

It must be terrifying.

It all can only go far before some women break.

Perhaps it is good that Mental Health Awareness Month also encompasses Mother’s Day.

It’s time for some moms to treat themselves the way they treat everyone else.

If you or someone you know could use some help, visit https://www.starkhelpcentral.com or call:

Charita M. Goshay is a Canton Repository staff writer and member of the editorial board. Reach her at 330-580-8313 or charita.goshay@cantonrep.com. On Twitter: @cgoshayREP

This article originally appeared on The Repository: Charita Goshay: Even moms can get overwhelmed