Brazil bring their dancing shoes to furrow the brows of Proper Football Men

GROOVE IS IN THEIR HEART

If there’s one thing that Gianni Infantino would like you to know about the Human Rights World Cup, it’s that EVERYONE IS HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME. Especially a grinning Gianni, on whom the TV cameras must fixate at least once a match, though such candid shots are not shared on the stadium big screens, in case he receives the Gideon Osborne at London 2012 treatment. But why is everyone ruddy bloody loving it so much? One idea relentlessly floated by the tournament’s advocates is that the booze ban imposed as last orders rang before the big kick-off has stopped hooligans getting lagered and bringing the ruckus in the fashion they actually didn’t much do of at any of the Russian, Brazilian or South African World Cups.

Of course, no booze has also made it safer for women, what with no beery, leery drunks around. And that may be so, for female tourists or media at least, though Qatar itself has a rather different attitude than in the west, women’s rights restricted by the country’s male guardianship laws. In the corporate boxes, it is assumed everyone can hold their freely available Budweiser and not make female visitors uncomfortable, as phenomenal wealth will always buy that sort of politesse. In the stadiums themselves, beyond those colourful scenes of fans mugging for the cameras, and despite some deft manoeuvres from the host broadcasters, there looks a plentiful supply of seats too. And that includes Monday’s 4-1 shellacking of South Korea by a Brazil team bringing their dancing shoes.

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At previous World Cups, the thought of the Seleção playing their jogo bonito samba-style and other overused cliches in front of empty seats would be unthinkable, but plastic blue lids were freely visible for the 974 BoxPark recyclable stadium’s final stand. But thank Gianni for the sight of the Seleção playing their jogo bonito samba-style and other overused cliches, to make the HRWC feel like an actual real Copa do Mundo. From Leônidas da Silva to Didi, to Clodoaldo to Denilson and his mates juggling to Sergio Mendes in an airport for a footwear manufacturer, Brazil have always brought the moves. “We have 10 different dances,” roared Richarlison at full-time. His goal, Brazil’s third, included their coach, Tite, adopting the John Sergeant/Gregg Wallace dad-dancing role.

Cue furrowed brows from Proper Football Men in the gantry, Roy Keane and Graeme Souness not missing their cue on ITV. In Ireland, another Didi, Hamann, joined in on RTÉ. “The dancing in the first half, and then taking the keeper off,” he wailed, after Tite had extended the party to include third-choice goalie Weverton. The Wev’s second-half arrival meant every member of the 26-man squad has played at this HWRC. But will Brazil still be dancing against Argentina, and before that, Croatia in the quarters? The PFM hope not, after such disrespect to the game. But Gianni’s fun franchise really needs them to keep doing so.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I went on [to the pitch] and consoled all the boys first and then shook [Lionel] Messi’s hand. No one had said anything so I just tried my luck and he said: ‘I’ll see you inside.’ [I wanted] one of the other boys to have the opportunity first, but no one took it, so I thought why not? I don’t know if [mine] will be on his wall at home or maybe still on the ground in that changing room but I’m not fussed – it’s more that I got his … I was surprised he even took mine. He definitely wouldn’t know who I am” – Hearts midfielder Cammy Devlin, who didn’t play a flamin’ minute for Australia at the HRWC, shows that even the Socceroos’ unused subs were punching way above their weight in Qatar.

Lionel Messi of Argentina gives his shirt to Cameron Devlin. Photograph: Mark Metcalfe/Fifa/Getty Images Aaron Timms’s article describing Fox’s HR World Cup coverage as an ‘abomination’ is far too kind. It’s execrable, ignorant dross. We have watched almost every game on the Spanish language feed on Univision instead, and even though we don’t speak a lot of Spanish it’s infinitely better than the inane drivel coming from the mouths of the Fox presenters and commentators. Count yourselves lucky if you don’t live in the USA! USA!! USA!!! We flipped on the pre-game yesterday to hear Landon Donovan and Alexei Lalas being introduced as ‘World Cup royalty’ and beat it in a big hurry. On a happier note, we’re coming over to the UK for Christmas and meeting a friend in Cambridge. None of us know Cambridge at all well, can you recommend a decent pub for lunch?” – Steve Marron. Slightly late, but had to gird my loins and sign up. In the Wales v England MBM coverage, a reader asked if there was some sort of secret inside-left factory set up in the early-2000s. Yes, there was. In my son’s under-12 team, everyone wants to be Cristiano Ronaldo or Kylian Mbappé, and spend their time dribbling down the left and practicing their celebrations (before realising it’s actually quite hard). This is particularly galling for me as the defensive coach on the team – it seems there are no 12-year-olds wanting to be the next Steve Bruce” – Pete Smith. With all of the underdogs having fallen in the last 16 so far, it’s now up to Morocco to keep the quarter-finals from becoming a club of all the usual suspects. Some might say there is a huge gulf between these two sides, but in reality it’s only the Strait of Gibraltar” – Peter Oh. RECOMMENDED LISTENING

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