Big Brother: Episode 14’s best moments — Evicted housemate tells group to ‘get a day job,’ Gabe QUITS the game

This episode was like that killer Ben Affleck movie Argo that goes from 0 to 100 in the last 15 minutes of the film.

It was also a bit like Four Weddings and a Funeral, if it was two exits and a technical fault.

So, with that in mind, I am going to start from the end here.

Charlotte, the girl that literally did NOTHING remarkable this whole season gave the best exit interview ever

So Charlotte got evicted by literally one vote, which is super annoying when you read down further.

But for now, let me wrap up the best exit interview I have had the pleasure of watching from my couch.

You know when the housemates look like they are talking into the back of a car head rest as they get wheeled out of the compound at the end of the ep, and get all meaningful about their time in the house.

Charlotte just cut straight to the point and it was fantastic.

Camera Icon In case you were wondering, this is Charlotte. The first Charlotte, not the twin Charlotte. Credit: NIGEL WRIGHT/NIGEL WRIGHT

“Everyone is nuts,” she asserted.

“People take it way to seriously and I just laugh at them and I’m like ‘oh my gosh, get a day job’.”

Has she been a viewer like us this whole time!? What inception is this? Yes, Charlotte. This is the internal monologue of every viewer to ever watch reality TV.

She also said she was happy to leave the Big Brother house because there is no dry cleaner service, and she was getting stains on her favourite jumper that is, practically, dry clean only.

Gabe called it quits

Look, did I not say in my last recap that he was going to be eaten alive? Picked this a mile away.

Gabe, the sweet kid that had all the church references in his intro video, looked about as uncomfortable in that house as I do when, well, when I walk into a church.

Nothing against them, I’m just not entirely convinced I won’t burst into flames when I pass the threshold.

Anyway AFTER the housemates SAVED Gabe by one vote he proceeded to immediately walk into the diary room and QUIT THE BLOODY SHOW.

Camera Icon Me when Gabe quits just moments after Charlotte is evicted.

I’m sorry, in the short four days you managed to last, could you have picked a more inconvenient time to throw the papers in the air and do a storm out?

Like you could have saved Charlotte from being booted if you had spoken up two minutes and 17 seconds earlier mate.

Ari was this impressed:

Camera Icon Just SCATHING.

Danny, who is now so much a part of Big Brother that I’m not convinced he isn’t currently petitioning Seven for a producer job, had his usual poker face on:

Camera Icon You never know what Danny is thinking hey…

But, respect for Gabe, he called it on account of the fact that he wasn’t doing well “mentally and emotionally and physically”.

“I find it hard finding my voice in this house there are a lot of loud personalities I just feel like I get smaller when there is bigger personalities,” he said.

At first I was like, did you do any preliminary research before going through a pretty rigorous process to join a SOCIAL experiment game?

But then I remembered this lot are pretty loud.

Ari is saved on a technical fault and it’s so fitting

Of anyone in this house to weasel out of being evicted, nay nominated, it would be Ari.

His whole game is a technical fault and it’s kind of miraculous he has managed to dodge some pretty big lies blowing up in his face until now.

Big Brother announced that while Ari was in fact nominated for eviction alongside Gabe and Charlotte, he no longer qualified because the apparatus he was supplied with for the nomination challenge was faulty.

It’s probably worth mentioning here that Ari had a pretty large, red circular target placed squarely on his back this episode.

The intruders pretty quickly sussed him out to be the master manipulator he is. It took Brenton and Mitch about 2.5 seconds to work out that Ari was faking every second of every day, while the other housemates have seemingly been sitting there for FIVE WEEKS thinking Ari was born in Kenya and owned a house in the Australian snow fields.

“Brenton is a complete budget version of me,” Ari spat to BB.

Looks like the sales were hot tonight because Budget Brenton managed to flip the whole house on our queen.

Honourable mention to SJ’s food cave

This was a blink and you’d miss it moment but SJ, the woman who has been hijacking shopping tasks to buy kilos of tofu, has made a food cave.

It was something else.

Of course, she isn’t taking a block of her nasty tofu to munch on. No, this little mouse is hoarding junk food to snack on away from the prying eyes of her hungry, meat eating housemates.

Camera Icon SJ was all of us.

The shot of her sneaking her head out was primo filming.

It was me emerging from isolation — unshaved, dishevelled and with a bag of crinkle-cut Smiths chips in hand.