All Of The Wild Conspiracy Theories Surrounding Kate Middleton’s Whereabouts

The Princess of Wales Kate Middleton has not been seen publicly in more than two months. Though the Royal Family has reported that she is currently recovering from an abdominal surgery, that hasn’t stopped the internet and royalists from sharing some unhinged theories about what the future queen is “really” up to.

If there’s anything that the internet is good for, it’s brewing wild conspiracy theories — something the Royal Family is incredibly familiar with being the focus of.

And with William Prince Of Wales pulling out of a memorial service for royal family member Thomas Kingston at the last minute due to a “personal matter”, suspicions about the Duchess of Cambridge’s mystery whereabouts are at an all time high.

What really happened to Kate Middleton?

Middleton was last seen publicly on Christmas Day 2023 with her husband and her children George, Charlotte, and Louis.

On January 16 it was announced by Kensington Palace that the Princess had undergone a successful surgery, and would spend some time recovering home, but be “unlikely to return to public duties until after Easter”.

“The Princess of Wales appreciates the interest this statement will generate. She hopes that the public will understand her desire to maintain as much normality for her children as possible; and her wish that her personal medical information remains private,” read a statement from Kensington Palace.

“Kensington Palace will, therefore, only provide updates on Her Royal Highness’ progress when there is significant new information to share. The Princess of Wales wishes to apologise to all those concerned for the fact that she has to postpone her upcoming engagements. She looks forward to reinstating as many as possible, as soon as possible.”

So in fact, it’s pretty clear that Middleton is exactly where the palace has stated she is: at home, recovering from surgery.

But for the sake of balanced journalism, it’s important we look at all possible outcomes — even if it is absolutely the case that Middleton is 100% at home recovering.

1. William and Kate are having marital issues

Speculations about the marriage of William and Kate are hardly new. There’s been plenty of spicy speculation about William floating around the internet ever since Deuxmoi shared goss he and Kate were in an open relationship and he was being pegged.

With a long history of rumours about the couple having marriage troubles already, the fact that nobody has seen the Duke and Duchess together publicly has not helped boost the message that they have a healthy relationship.

2. Kate is having mental health issues

Middleton is an advocate for mental health, and shared the importance of looking out for others during Maternal mental Health Awareness Week in 2022.

Naturally, this means that the internet and theorists have hypothesised that she is actually mentally ill herself, and therefore currently hiding out while she recovers.

It’s basically exactly the type of misogynistic theory you should expect royalists to concoct: “if we haven’t seen a woman it’s because she’s mentally ill.”

Perpetuating negative stereotypes about mental illness and women at the same time, because what else is the Royal Family for?

3. Kate is recovering from cosmetic surgery

This one takes the truth that Middleton is currently recovering from surgery, but adds the “tasteful” twist that actually the surgery is a cosmetic one.

Okay, admittedly folks on the internet have managed to make this one pretty funny.

4. Kate donated a kidney to King Charles III

Now we really dive into the batshit end of the theory spectrum.

We know that Middleton underwent surgery around the same time that it was announced that King Charles III was getting surgery on his enlarged prostate — which resulted in the announcement that His Majesty has a form of cancer.

Somehow, this has resulted in some tortured minds of the internet jumping to the conclusion that as part of his recovery Charles needed a kidney, and Middleton offered to donate it to him in exchange for becoming Queen.

Except, like, she’s already going to become Queen?

If anything, donating something to keep the King alive is going to prevent her from becoming Queen sooner?

Make it make sense.

5. Kate is dead

You know what other royals we haven’t seen in the last two months?

Queen Elizabeth II. Prince Philip. Princess Diana. King Henry VIII.

And what do they all have in common?

Well that about settles it then. Foolproof theory. No further notes. Well done internet.

6. Kate is about to appear on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here

Today Network 10 released its first hints as to who will be going to the jungle for the next season of I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here.

We have a full breakdown of these hints here, which does not include this incredibly rational theory.

But hear me out:

Everyone else who jumps on the show usually goes very silent for a while beforehand, as to not raise too much suspicion.

So it makes sense to assume that Middleton is just taking some time away from the media, before embarking on her reality TV career.

Okay fine. This one may be far fetched, but you can’t tell me it’s any more outrageous than some of the hypotheses on this list.

Anyway, get well soon Kate Middleton, and see you in the jungle.