Witless and insensitive, but at least Sunak wasn’t using the death of a child for political gain

There was an ominous foreboding of things to come at the start of PMQs as the first two questions veered dramatically from a two-state solution in Israel-Palestine to dentistry in Northampton South.

After announcing that Esther Ghey, mother of the murdered teenager Brianna Ghey, was sitting in the Chamber, Sir Keir Starmer swerved into a reference to the hapless PM’s recent entrapment by Piers Morgan, who had managed to draw Mr Sunak into staking £1,000 on the success of his own asylum policy.

“Isn’t he glad he didn’t bet a grand on it,” chuckled Sir Keir. The Prime Minister responded by belching out an obviously pre-rehearsed line: “He’s so indecisive, the only bet he’d make is an each-way bet.” Never mind the safe gambling campaign – just get footage of these two pretending to know about having a flutter and any glamour the casino lobby might still have will be removed forever.

Next, Sir Keir – perhaps having learnt from Morgan – laid a trap. Having opened with a jokey question about broken promises, he feigned surprise when Mr Sunak listed areas where the Leader of the Opposition had abandoned his commitments – culminating in a jibe about Labour’s various about-turns over their definition of a woman. Rachel Reeves, sitting beside Sir Keir, chuckled at this bit of parliamentary back-and-forth.

Sir Keir put on his very best “not impressed” face as if this wasn’t exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for. “Of all the weeks to say that, with Brianna’s mother in the gallery,” he scowled. “Shame. Parading as a man of integrity.” It took Ms Reeves a few seconds to realise that she wasn’t meant to be laughing anymore, so she over-compensated with an approving pat on Sir Keir’s shoulder as he sat down. As it happened, Esther Ghey hadn’t arrived at the viewing-gallery in time for this exchange.

Still, this was a tin-eared blunder from Mr Sunak. So soon after the invoking of a grieving mother, his remarks looked witless, insensitive – showing that same lack of judgment under fire as the taking of Mr Morgan’s bet.

With ghoulish gusto, Sir Keir implied that the Prime Minister was being malicious, rather than simply tactless – even though the jibe came at Labour’s expense. None of this exchange was pretty, much of it was crass. But in the end, only one party leader appeared to be using the death of a child for political advantage and it wasn’t Mr Sunak.

After getting his dose of smug hectoring out the way, Sir Keir reached the actual focus of his questions: dentistry. Sir Keir has an anaesthetic quality at the best of times, but only the most shamelessly ambitious Labour MPs could muster a fake laugh as he – with a lead-in as long as an NHS waiting list – predictably compared getting answers from the Prime Minister to pulling teeth.

As the endless fug of Starmerian anaesthesia puffed on, we returned to another of Sir Keir’s favourite subjects for bloviation: Mr Sunak’s own financial status. Then, as with all the worst fever dreams, we ended up back at Piers Morgan. Specifically, SNP spokesman Stephen Flynn – the terrifying egg who resembles a rock-hard mishmash of Humpty Dumpty and one of the scarier characters in Trainspotting – brought up the Prime Minister’s Morgan bet and accused him of playing games with innocent life.

Once again showing himself to be the superior opposition performer in the Commons, Mr Flynn didn’t resort to soapbox moralising, but simply contrasted Mr Sunak’s bet with cuts to living allowances announced the same day. The Prime Minister blustered and rehashed ancient lines about “seeing policy through”. But he was beached, floundering; the walrus ensnared by the Eggman.

Between the outrage and opportunism, this was not a day of much dignity for the House of Commons. If you want that you’re better off going to the dentist.

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