Winners and losers from the Chicago Bears’ Week 14 win, including 2017 NFL draft mentions, J.J. Watt’s Red Stars kit and a shoutout to The Drake

CBS studio analyst Bill Cowher had an explanation for why Mitch Trubisky and the Chicago Bears offense looked so good Sunday against the Houston Texans, and neither team should like it.

Cowher compared the Texans defense to basketball’s Washington Generals, the team of stooges routinely throttled by the Harlem Globetrotters, making the trick-shot Trotters look invincible night after night — and matinees, too.

“You’d like to pack them up every week and take them with you,” Cowher said at halftime of the Bears’ 36-7 victory, which snapped a string of six successive losses.

How much of the success for Trubisky and the offense can be attributed to the Texans’ hapless defense is hard to say.

If they continue to rebound in their remaining three games and force their way into the playoffs, this change of pace for the Bears could conceivably offset last week’s calls for a change of Ryan Pace as general manager, etc. But it might be too soon to forgive or forget.

This wasn’t exactly the Fearsome Foursome, Purple People Eaters or the Steel Curtain the Bears tore up.

Cowher noted there’s going to be “a whole rebuild down there in Houston on the defensive side.” It would be reassuring to see the Bears put together a performance such as this one against a team that’s, you know, good.

“The Houston defense right now … ranked last in the National Football League – you can see why when you look at them there,” Cowher said. “There are holes, gaping holes, in (trying to stop) the running game. They can’t get pressure on the quarterback and they’re very weak in the secondary.”

But a victory is a victory, especially after so many losses.

Let’s take stock of other winners and losers from Sunday’s telecast from Solder Field.

Loser: The 2017 NFL draft

It was actually the second time Harlan had mentioned it in eight minutes, but the much-anticipated storyline proved moot as the Bears shut down Watson and Trubisky had a career-type game against the Generals, er, Texans.

Winner: Mitch Trubisky

While Cowher was ripping Houston’s defense, fellow studio analyst Phil Simms praised Trubisky’s mobility and strong arm.

“He’s just not accurate,” said Simms, a former QB himself. “So he’s going to be tremendous — I’m not being smart here — he’s going to be a really, really good backup for somebody next year.”

OK, maybe it’s not the job recommendation Trubisky would have wanted. But NFL backup quarterbacks make good money and usually get some playing time. Ask Mike Glennon.

Loser: Matt Nagy TV briefings

What Bears coach Matt Nagy tells network folks before games isn’t necessarily untrue, but a little context helps.

The Bears’ pantsing by the Lions last week, according to Harlan, was characterized by Nagy as their most complete performance. Perhaps what Nagy meant by “complete” is that it was full of both good and absolutely terrible moments.

Sideline reporter Melanie Collins said Nagy told her that “the last three weeks have been flat out the best three weeks of Mitchell Trubisky’s career so far.”

Those three weeks include Trubisky’s late fumble last week that set up the Lions’ go-ahead touchdown in the Bears’ sixth successive loss. The week before that, against the Packers, his underwhelming performance included another critical fumble and two interceptions thrown into double-coverage.

Winner: J.J. Watt

Texans defensive end J.J. Watt showed up at Soldier Field wearing a replica of wife Kealia Ohai Watt’s Chicago Red Stars kit. He also sported a wool hat with the logo of the National Women’s Soccer League team on it. Sunday was a rough day for Watt’s defensive unit, but the guy’s a class act.

Loser: Fox and NBC

Collins talked about how Texans Chief Executive D. Cal McNair fired coach/general manager Bill O’Brien after their 0-4 start and will be deciding about replacement(s) in the offseason, aided by a group of advisors such as Fox analyst Jimmy Johnson and NBC analyst Tony Dungy.

This wasn’t breaking news. The Texans’ website and media outlets reported it last week. But it does raise the potential for a conflict of interest.

“I am not picking the person,” Dungy sought to clarify last week in an interview with Peacock’s Dan Patrick. “All I am doing is giving Mr. McNair a formula, and what I told him, Dan, is the same thing you and I have talked about for years. First of all, build your blueprint and tell me what you want. Then I can give you some suggestions.”

Shouldn’t viewers expect these guys to not be involved in any way with decisions, teams, personnel and owners they may have to critique?

Loser: Romeo Crennel

Interim Texans head coach Romeo Crennel could not possibly have helped his chances of landing the job.

Even overlooking just how bad his team looked against the Bears, consider how he left Watson in a game long past the point at which the Texans had a chance. The guy was sacked six times, the last of which came on the game’s last play. That’s Jim Boylen-level stubbornness right there.

Winner: Hannah McNair

Sitting in the suite with Cal McNair was his wife, Hannah, who looked unethused, and therefore was perfectly reflecting the perspective of Texans fans everywhere.

Loser: Deshaun Watson

Watson took a beating, and not just in a “look at these two 2017 draft picks” way. After an incomplete pass on third-and-goal play at the Bears’ 1 late in the third quarter, he was on the ground in obvious pain. Harlan initially said Watson was out of breath, but then a gesture gave the impression impact had been below-the-belt.

“You know where he got hit,” Harlan said before segueing to ads.

Except we didn’t and neither did Harlan. A replay showed Watson’s elbow banged on Roquan Smith’s helmet and it affected his hand. Even worse, he had to watch from the bench as backup A.J. McCarron got sacked on fourth down, squandering the scoring opportunity.

Winner: The Drake

Chicago’s The Drake hotel got a nice plug when CBS came back from a commercial break with a lakefront shot looking south from the North Avenue beach.

“Lake Shore Drive, and there’s the old Drake,” Harlan said. “My parents spent their honeymoon night there.”

That would be Madeline and Robert Harlan. Bob is a former chairman and chief executive of the Green Bay Packers.

Loser: Un-uniform policy

Some of us needed time to adjust to seeing the home team in retro white jerseys at Soldier Field, especially when the team in white actually scored a touchdown on its first play from scrimmage. Seriously, the nearly 300 yards in first-half offense really sold the whole “visitors” thing. So did scoring in the third quarter.

Winner: Jarrett Payton

Here’s hoping WGN-9 sportscaster Jarrett Payton emerges from quarantine soon with a clean bill of health. The son of Bears great Walter Payton tweeted Sunday he tested positive for COVID-19, but feels “strong” and is “in good spirits.”

Loser: Phil Rosenthal

This was a bad week to come out with a guide to hate-watching the Bears it turned out. It still might be useful before the season ends. There are three games remaining — and the Bears won’t face the Texans defense in any of them.