Missed Moments 2023: Why Skipping My Premiere Was One of the Best Nights of My Life

I didn’t go to the premiere of our movie The Machine. At the time, the WGA had hazy yet oddly firm rules against promotion. I called writer friends, some on the WGA board, to see if there was wiggle room. There was. If I wanted to look like a dick and undermine the effort we were all sacrificing for, I could go. I did what I think was right. But I was bummed. It was the first premiere of a movie I’d written. I was going to take my wife. It’s been a rough year. This was gonna be our prize. Shit.

Instead, I got yelled at by my mom.

We were at the Terrace Theater in South Carolina the night of the premiere, seeing the movie with the first crowd at the first showing. My mom, dad, wife Tricia and I together under the marquee, the title of the movie above my head. And on the poster out front, there was my name, down on the bottom.

The Machine is a father-son story. My dad instilled in me a love of movies. Now here he was, seeing one with my name on it. There was Tricia, the love of my life. We didn’t have to make awkward small talk at a premiere — we could just be silly and stupid with each other. And there was Mom, accosting everyone entering the theater. “Are you seeing The Machine?” she’d ask, pointing to the poster and then to me. This was confusing for the people who showed up to see The Little Mermaid. Which was all of them.

Mom got mad at the popcorn guy when he wouldn’t sell her the poster out front. Like, sell it to her tonight. He said he’d look into it. “Oh, you’ll look into it,” Mom said as she walked away. I didn’t think he was going to look into it. I told her as much. This was the part where she yelled at me.

Mom’s going to read this and be upset with me. But I was about as happy as I could be that whole night. The movie played great, my wife squeezed my hand when my name came up. Dad said he was proud of me. Mom kept talking to strangers, but now it was in the theater and these people were excited to be there, fans of star Bert Kreischer. When Mom said I wrote it and they were awed in the exact way she’d hoped they’d be? That was a gift she gave me that I’ll never forget. It’s all you can hope to get out of something like this. To be surrounded by people who hold the magic of a moment in the same way you do.

A few weeks later, Mom called. She said she could get me a poster for the movie. She knew a guy. I said thanks, but I already had a poster. In the end, we settled and she sent me five.

This story first appeared in the Dec. 15 issue of The Hollywood Reporter magazine. Click here to subscribe.