Dear Annie: Partner’s 2 adult children, and their partners, live with them full time. It’s getting to her

Dear Annie: I have been with my partner for nearly three years. He is a loving, caring man. He came out of a 30-year marriage and is separated but not divorced yet, which is bothering me, even though I know he doesn’t want to go back to his ex.        

Anyway, he has two kids living with him: his 23-year-old daughter and her boyfriend, who is 26, and his 22-year-old son and his girlfriend, who is 19. His son is lazy and doesn’t do anything. I’ve mentioned this to my partner many times, and he says, “Leave it to me, I’ll talk to him” but then never does. His daughter is nice and helpful, but she is too attached to her dad. They sit down and watch shows together while I am in the kitchen making dinner for everyone or doing my own stuff. If I say anything, he just says, “Why are you jealous?”        

He says in a few years we should sell the house and get something smaller, but his daughter and her boyfriend want to come, too. I don’t know what to do. I love him, and he looks after me very well, but my jealousy of his relationship with his daughter is really getting to me. Am I in the wrong here? — Daughter Difficulty        

Dear Daughter Difficulty: If anything, you should feel proud of the fact that your partner is so close with his children — not threatened. I would seek the help of a therapist to get the bottom of why you feel so envious of your partner’s daughter.

Perhaps you feel you are not getting enough quality time with him one-on-one. Or maybe it brings up unresolved emotions that you have toward your own parents.

Whatever it is, it’s important to identify why his relationship with his kids is such a trigger for you so that you can be the best partner and stepparent that you possibly can.

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