On Transgender Day of Remembrance, let’s honor lives lost by committing to a kinder, safer community: Leslie Kouba

CLEVELAND, Ohio – Thank goodness it’s almost Thanksgiving, and the end of the endless 2022 midterm elections draws nigh! In case you follow my writings, here’s a spoiler alert: This column is hard but necessary. After this, I’ll be writing happier pieces through the holidays, I promise.

Today, I must honor the fallen because today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. Throughout the land, people are gathering to remember, to read the roll call of all the transgender people who have lost their lives to hatred. We also gather to encourage each other to continue to work towards a kinder society and a safer community for all. If you want to participate, please see the list of events published by Buckeye Flame, Ohio’s statewide queer news source HERE.

Sadly, Cleveland has a tragic history of violence against transgender folks. What’s truly frightening is this violence has been increasing since 2013, when the Human Rights Campaign first began tracking statistics of murders against the transgender and gender non-conformaing community. In 2021, HRC clearly identified 50 deaths as violent, more than any previous year. HRC deemed an additional 18 deaths as suspicious and has been instrumental in pushing for cases to be reopened for further investigation. HRC’s 2022 report to date can be found HERE. It includes the names, faces, and short biographies of those we’ve lost. Get your tissues.

The HRC Foundation issued a meaningful report, “Dismantling a Culture of Violence” that explains how stigma, decreased opportunity, and increased risk factors plays a role in incubating gender-based violence. But, get this – the majority of victims knew their killers who were often members of the same households – partners, lovers, friends. Others have died while in the custody of law enforcement. The sadness is almost unbearable.

Before you label 50 deaths as a measly amount, know this – The Williams Institute at the University of California, a think tank dealing with LGBTQ issues, has estimated 1.6 million Americans aged 13 and up identify as transgender. In Ohio, the data says there are 46,500 adults and 8,500 teenagers who are transgender. Remember – it doesn’t take an operation to make someone transgender. It comes down to who the person is on the inside, in their spirit and soul, in their mind and emotions. They just KNOW.

If you want to understand more about our transgender community, I suggest you check out TransOhio. Its website is a work in progress because those involved are busy presenting training sessions across the state. But if you find leads for your own research, you’ll discover information regarding children, youth, issues, and history. The organization’s Facebook page is fresher, leaving us no excuse to be ignorant.

Caution – if you think a child can’t know if their cisgender, transgender, or gender non-conforming, think about yourself for a moment. When did you first fully sense your gender identity? Ignore the toys, the color of your clothing, what you liked to do, or the pronouns people used. Think about your inner spirit, your sense of self – when did you know? I was 4 when I knew I was a girl. I have friends who knew their gender identity even earlier. We have got to get over the idea that children don’t sense their gender identity or that a body part is all there is to gender.

What about intersex individuals? God made them, too, y’know. Intersex babies’ voices are silenced by parents’ fears, medical demi-god egos, and a social stigma that borders on dogma. HRC has good information about the intersex community and Interact Advocates provide the rest. Please learn.

As part of Transgender Awareness Week, I reread Maple Beuscher’s piece from last February where, with strength and eloquence, she tells some of the world history of gender nonconforming folks, revealing many cultures where the same were esteemed and honored. She then lays out compelling evidence and a strong argument for why all people must allow all people to be who they wish to be. Read it. Please.

Not a very complicated thought, is it – to live and let live – but there are many people who, perhaps through ignorance, claims of piety, or fear of whatever, are striving to strip our transgender and nonbinary brothers, sisters, neighbors, friends, children and seniors of their rights, dignity and identity. These efforts remind me of the gross atrocity called ethnic cleansing, and shockingly, these strivers seem to be gaining momentum.

I’m not going to recite the list of proposed legislation, school board resolutions, or government policy that squarely subjects LGBTQ people to discrimination and limitations. Equality Ohio (EO) continually tracks anti-queer initiatives while amplifying pro-LGBTQ efforts, such as House Bill 208, aka Senate Bill 119, the Ohio Fairness Act, presented for the forty-eleventh time by our own Sen. Nickie Antonio. Thank you, Sen. Antonio!

When EO identifies threats, it offers suggested counter actions. When it sees progress, it tells us how to proactively support positive change. If advocates are the army, then EO is the five star general in charge, and we need to get our marching orders straight from our general’s fabulous website.

I’m reminded of the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Elie Wiesel, who considered indifference as the stark opposite of love. No one can be indifferent when people are dying. In his Peace Prize speech Wiesel says, “There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” We must do our best to prevent injustice. At the very least, we must protest.

We’re not talking about a tiny sliver of humanity. Today, approximately 55,000 Ohioians identify as gender nonconforming or transgender and many still hide. These are our fellow humans, people. We must protest against the bile being spewed at them. Remember – It’s very likely you know and care about a member of this minority. So, let’s live and let live, OK?

Leslie Kouba, a lifetime resident of Northeast Ohio and mother of four completely grown humans, enjoys writing, laughing and living in Cleveland with her wife, five cats and a fat-tailed gecko named Zennis. You can reach her at LeslieKoubaPD@gmail.com.

Leslie Kouba columnist for cleveland.com and The Plain Dealer. January 14, 2022

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