How Women Can Manage ADHD When Anxiety Is Skyrocketing At Work

ADD and ADHD affect nearly equal numbers of men as women. New research is shining a light on the … [+] three subtypes and helping women to understand their brains and how they work best.

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New guidance from the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force warned this week that there is a critical need to lower American’s stress and anxiety, which wreaks head to toe havoc on our bodies. The government’s draft recommendation is that adults be screened for anxiety annually to preserve our mental health. They did not offer any immediate solutions.

This news had my brain spinning. In particular, I worry about women at work, particularly women who are ADHD and female like me. There are more of us than you might think. I have started to question what level of anxiety is manageable and what is not normal in the past several years. If you have too, this definition might help. Medical experts call cognitive distortion. “Anxiety is the anticipation of a future threat. This threat can be real or imagined but it’s not immediate,” writes Tracey Marks, M.D., a psychiatrist in Atlanta and author of Why Am I So Anxious? Cognitive distortion is what sends so many of us—particularly women who often scramble between multiple jobs and being primary caregivers—off the rails.

The issue of stress isn’t new, of course. In 2013, one study showed that 80% of doctors visits were related to stress. The amount of counseling primary care providers did was found to be suboptimal (the researchers word, not mine). What is novel is that more women are being diagnosed (or self-diagnosing) as ADHD/ADD. As they become more aware of their unique stressors and proclivity toward anxiety and depression, they are also looking for help. But there is a shortage of therapists and psychiatrists to diagnose them. What has been shown to help is peer counseling. Peer groups are a wonderful alternative for people who cannot either afford the time for or the price of therapy or who can, but can’t find an available practitioner with a specialty in ADHD and women.

Here, suggestions on how to restore your balance and do your best work in a volatile workplace. You can start using this career advice immediately, even if there is no Task Force or official guidelines.

Describe How You Work Best. Instead of saying I am ADHD and getting a blank stare, as I have seen so often, discuss what you are going to do, why you will do it this way and how others can help. Be specific. For instance, say out loud: I color code each department on the white board in my office so you can each see where your projects are and when they will be done. Or I will be writing briefs in the morning and making phone calls in the afternoon. Please schedule meetings with me bi-weekly to catch up. If you send me an email, please note in the subject line the project you are discussing because I work on seven to 12 projects a month. These are habits that should not be offensive to anyone, but if they are, speak to the person offline. There’s no need to go into detail during meetings.

The goal: attach your habit to your strength. This way you are not stuck connecting a label (ADHD, dyslexia) to your person. Explain your process when needed, but be sure to note your progress in every meeting. This allows people to guide you in meeting your goals. In other words, it puts a cork in office anxiety.

Don’t Be a Martyr or Keep Secrets. There’s a brilliant new book out on the topic, The Secret Life of Secrets by Michael Slepian. In it, he explains what everyone intuitively knows but doesn’t talk about. That keeping secrets is stressful and unhealthy.

Letting go of stress is like composting. You have to learn how to take care of your waste. There’s a learning curve. It helps to journal about your ADHD foibles, tell jokes about how ADHD turns your life upside down but do not keep secrets. And then move on. I repeat: Admit error and move on.

This summer I was stopped at a construction site by a worker who asked: Why are you speeding here? I told her about rushing to the airport and apologized several times. She grimaced back at me several times. Before she let me go she said: “If you’re late, you’re late.” I put the car in drive and moved on while my daughter mouthed the words, Mom, if you’re late, you’re late. So basic. We laughed.

You can, too. I promise. If you’re called out for rushing through a project at work because you procrastinated or made a math error or didn’t catch a typo or sent an email to the wrong place, that’s what you did. Admit it. If you’re late, you’re late. Move on. So basic. Not a Situation—at all.

Show Your Work. This sounds obvious, but you can’t imagine the number of people I speak with who hide their quirky way of working. Being hyper-protective of your process engenders distrust. It causes anxiety. It can even provoke harasses and bullies.

Being open about the process you use—no matter how weird it is. For instance, first I write, then I print, then I highlight, then, on some occasions, such as 70-page white papers, I cut up the pieces and reorganize the sections with a scissor. No shame here. That may be too much for the average person ( who knows ‘cut and paste to be a minor key stroke or two.) Who cares. Do what works.

Once you present your amazing project and the board approves it or you get the business, no one will care how much scrap paper you used. And if your process is out of hand, this allows kind coworkers to offer their help before the situation gets really nuts— or your brain explodes.

Be Real And Don’t Skip Self-Care. There are things you need to do to keep your life running smoothly that other people do not. ADHD is a constant in your life, so you will constantly be making doctors appointments to check in about medications and how you are feeling. You will likely have to meet with a medication manager monthly who can prescribe medication In addition, you may be seeing a talk therapist or counselor, who can help you with coping skills. Or you might be part of a peer group that meets at 7 pm on Thursdays when the rest of your team goes out for drinks or goes on date nights. That’s life. Know that you are doing yourself a ton of good by not drinking with work folks and instead talking to other people like you. It’s crucial to have a community of ADHD peeps. Find them in Facebook groups, through national associations or by asking at a community health center if they have peer counseling or group therapy.

Avoiding the giant highs and lows that leave you paralyzed and unable to work takes practice. While helpful, group or peer therapy and self-care can be exhausting. Keep at it. If you put in the time, you’re much likely to come out the other side a stronger, more flexible and self aware human being. You’ll also be better able to answer to managers and colleagues who are not aware of your need for self-care and setting boundaries.

It we’re sticking with the theme of being real, this is it. There’s no getting around it. You will make your managers anxious with all of these appointments. What is she doing now? Why does it take her so long to go to the pharmacy? Why is she going to the pharmacy again (Meds are rarely ready on time and often have mistakes in them, which require you to contact your doctor or play telephone with your pharmacy). What kind of therapy does she go to so often and why does she also have to leave on the dot for exercise class? Therapy and exercise are two brilliant anxiety-stoppers. Make time for them even if it takes you away from your work. If you don’t make time for them, you will be more anxious. If you do, you will make your manager anxious because you aren’t in the office or available.

I’m so glad we had this somewhat circular, possibly anxiety-inducing conversation. Please, join me here for more ideas next week when ADHD Awareness Month begins.