Sydney Sweeney Can Never Throw Out a First Pitch at a Red Sox Game Ever Again

Last night, Sydney Sweeney threw out the first pitch at Fenway Park ahead of Red Sox-Blue Jays. This is an unremarkable fact in itself, although it is somewhat unclear why the Emmy nominee was chosen to throw out the first pitch given she’s from Washington. However, what happened afterwards should be a sign that she can never throw out a first pitch for Boston. Ever again.

Because good lord. The Red Sox apparently forgot how to play freaking baseball. They lost by the score of 28-5. That’s pretty insane alone, but sometimes there are nights where one team can do no wrong and everything falls into place perfectly to have an MLB box score look more like a football game. But the way that they gave up a lot of those runs was offensive to the game of baseball.

Toronto managed to hit an inside-the-park grand slam. That is a thing that can happen!

It is unclear what the hell Jarren Duran was doing there. What a stunning display of incompetence. It wasn’t even the worst offender of the night in that regard, either.

Come on, man.

I am, of course, joking about Sydney Sweeney’s role in all this. The Red Sox have only themselves to blame for turning into a team more suited for the Little League World Series than the AL East. But I am saying that Sydney Sweeney has only ever thrown out a first pitch once for the Red Sox and they had maybe the worst game of any team in the last several years. Coincidence? You decide.