The Diary of Jung Hoseok

Chapter Text

After 

“Sir?”

…

“Uhh, sir?”

“No… Not sir… Doctor…”

The voice hesitated for a moment.

“D-Doctor?”

Doctor?

Seokjin startled awake. His head jolted up from where it lay, his forehead no more in the crook of his elbow. He turned to his left. A guard was standing at the door, expression meek and confused. Seokjin felt three tears streak his cheeks: One from the right eye, and two from the left. 

The guard froze at Seokjin’s penetrating look. “Doctor, I came to tell you that-”

“Doctor??” Seokjin yelped, and his lips pursed in anger. He looked around on his desk frantically, then picked up and threw a stack of yellow post-it papers at the guard. It landed on his chest when he didn’t even make a move to dodge it. “When was I tolerant of such brazen behaviors? Never call me like that again!”

The man sighed, his previous demeanor replaced with slight impatience. “Sir,” he intoned. “The Man has been secured in the ward.”

“Ah… very well. What did the doctors say? Can he talk?”

“I don’t know. Though, I was told that he wasn’t in the best of conditions when he arrived here.”

“I know that.” His eyes trailed on his arm, the fabric of his shirt a little crumpled from where he had fallen asleep. The clock on his wall read 9 am. “I apologise for throwing that at you. I’m sure it didn’t hurt… Your clothes protect you from bullets. Come closer now, I need you to do something for me. Come on, faster. That’s it. Take this mug and fill it with coffee. Don’t make that face, the coffee machine is two steps away, I have already brewed some… Great, thank you, was that hard? If only you weren’t as lazy, you would have done better things with your life than signing illegal contracts and serving an old man coffee. Off you go now, to your duties.”

Seokjin gulped down his cold coffee as the door was shut. Now free of distractions, he turned his eyes to his front. His desk had been equipped with four computer screens, each one displaying the feed of one of the many security cameras around the facility. Seokjin had set the top right screen to always show Hoseok’s room, and never changed it. The one next to it, the top left, was showing the outside of Hoseok’s room, so that he was sure that the guards were at the ready at all times. The bottom two screens were spares, he would usually flip through random cameras, rarely settling on one specifically. However, that would change now. Before it did, his gaze remained fixed in the top right display. 

Hoseok was sleeping. The last time Seokjin had looked at him with fully awake eyes, before falling asleep on the spot himself, he was pacing around his room searching every corner of the small space for his ladybug he had aptly named “Ladybug”. He was woken up by a robotic screech, and Hoseok crying while holding one of his socks close to him. And now it was the guard that woke him up for good. 

He never meant to hurt him, he would tell himself. 

But for how long would he stay true to that?

With nothing of particular interest to see in Hoseok’s camera, he switched the bottom right screen to the feed of Kim Namjoon’s room. He was laying still on the bed Hoseok had been in, in his first days there. When he was still in a coma. A similar view, except for the tube down his throat. No need for that, Kim Namjoon’s eyes were open and he was fully conscious. And contrary to Hoseok’s reaction when he woke up, he looked very calm. 

Kim Namjoon. Except for him and a few other, unimportant individuals, nobody else knew his real name and were ordered to refer to him as “Man”. Much like his grandson apparently, Seokjin had no interest in ultimately pointless expenditure of his creativity. But much like nobody else, he knew everyone’s real names.

A voice ringed in his right ear. “Doctrine is going in the Man’s room.”

“Very well,” he responded and sat back, sipping the last of his coffee. As expected, Doctrine showed up in the camera view, approaching Namjoon’s bed. With one click of his mouse, the screen transmitted sound apart from image. 

“How are you feeling, sir?” Namjoon didn’t answer, only his heaving breath came louder through as the doctor came closer and closer. “Have you vomited again?” she asked, checking with a flick of her eyes a big metal bowl placed on the floor next to the bed. 

“What is this place?”

His voice surprised Seokjin. From his camera, all covered with a light blanket and a sheet, his form seemed frail and flimsy like a piece of paper. But the voice that came out of it was deep… Heavy and tired, but determined. He raised an eyebrow for a second. 

“A bad place,” she said as she checked his hand, making sure the IV catheter was in place properly. 

“That symbol on your robe… It’s creeping me out. You’re keeping Hoseok here captive? What are you doing to him?”

“Me nothing. Me… Nothing,” she answered with an edge to her voice, obviously disturbed by the slightest implication that she was the one doing things to him. Seokjin shook his head. 

I haven’t done anything to him either… Yet.

“Then who? Kim Seokjin? The man that was supposed to be dead?”

The doctor looked back at Namjoon. Seokjin couldn’t see her eyes as she was facing away from the camera. But her tone gave him all the information he needed. “I don’t know who that man is.”

“Someone is in charge here, right? Whose orders are you following?”

“…I don’t know his name… We all call him ‘The Head’.”

“Keeping his identity secret… What a little coward. Do you know he pretended to be dead for months? I found out he’s not because I dug up his grave myself. And that’s why I’m here, I was chased not even a day after! He didn’t even bother to keep up appearances.”

“Why are you telling me all this? What am I supposed to do?”

“Realise you are working for a deranged psychopath.”

Seokjin’s skin suddenly felt sizzling hot. Like his whole body had been covered by a plastic film, and didn’t let the sweat break through.

She turned her head and shot a glance at the camera before turning back to Namjoon. “I’m not as oblivious as you might think.” She took a deep breath. “What’s your name?”

Seokjin raised a brow again. Namjoon sighed. “Kim Namjoon.”

“Kim Namjoon… Everyone here calls me Doctrine… But my name is Anthia. Anthia–”

Pin.

“Pin.”

“Are you all using code names here?”

Anthia nodded. “Nobody is supposed to know each other’s name.”

“And you decided to tell me, why?”

She turned her head to the camera again, but this time didn’t avert her gaze as she talked. “I’m fed up.”

“Is he watching us?”

“He always is.” She turned to Namjoon again. “You mentioned the name ‘Hoseok’ twice now. Is that your friend’s name?”

He nodded. “Jung Hoseok, that’s his name. I don’t know what you call him, but that’s his name.”

“We call him-”

“I still don’t know what all this is. Why did they bring him here? Even the police force is involved. Did you know that? There’s this whole conspiracy behind everything! Do you have any idea what you have gotten yourself into? And why are you here talking to me instead of Seokjin himself? Is he scared?” His eyes stilled on the camera as he uttered his last sentence. 

“I-”

“No, wait. No. Is Hoseok okay?”

When she stayed silent, Namjoon frowned. “I’m asking you a question, answer me! Is he okay!?”

“Physically, yes. Mentally… I… I really…”

“What? What do you mean? Mentally what? For the love of fucking god speak clearly! Please! You have no idea what I’ve been through! I… I almost lost my mind trying to find him!”

“You’re not the only one…”

You’re not the only one…

“Anthia!”

Seokjin’s voice boomed in her ear. Her body visibly jerked through the camera.

“Yes… Sir.”

He grinned to himself, pressing his tongue against his cheek. “I need you. Come here, now.”

Before

“Seokjin, I want to tell you something. But please, promise to me that you will believe me.”

Insook’s words were usually stern, and filled with confidence. Not a trait you would usually come across in girls her age, not even in women in general (by some she was already considered a woman). At 16 years of age, she had already been told many times, especially by her mother, that no man would ever want to marry her if her attitude matched his, and sometimes went even above and beyond that. But Seokjin laughed every time Insook recounted those conversations to him. For two reasons.

One, because while by societal standards, her fierce personality was considered an undesirable trait, for him it was even more attractive than her silky black hair and piercing eyes. And two, because as long as he was alive, no man would ever lay his hands on her except him. So really, there was no need for her to feign sweetness and subordination in order to attract potential spouses. There were no potential spouses. There was only one, and he was a certainty. And Insook knew it too, so she would laugh with him. 

But today, she sounded different. Her tone was almost pleading. Seokjin furrowed his brow.

“Is something wrong, my dear?” Their meeting spot these days was a hole-in-the-wall patisserie in some alley in the dead centre of the city. It was empty most of the time, and those little customers it brought in never gave them a second look. 

Fortunately, it hadn’t been hard to keep their relationship hidden. 

Two more years. Two years was all that Seokjin had asked of her. Just to be able to enter university and secure a job at the same time. Then, they could finally get married. But until then…

“Nothing is wrong. In fact… I have been waiting a long time to tell you this, and now I think I am ready. But for me to be happy, I need you to keep a promise… Promise to believe me.”

Seokjin rubbed the back of his hand in circles as the owner of the shop placed a bowl of Turkish delights in between them. Out of habit, even in the midst of a tense atmosphere, Seokjin picked up a cube and raised it in front of her mouth. She bit half of it off, licking the powdered sugar from her lips, and Seokjin ate the other half. 

It was very hard for him to make a promise regarding something he knew nothing about. But he wanted to trust her, in that what she was about to say was something reasonable. 

“Okay. I promise. And even though I don’t know what this is about, you have started to worry me,” he said, and fed another delight to her in the same fashion. Insook took it. 

“I’ve kept it a secret from everyone for almost five years now. But I want you to know. It would be hard for anyone to believe me, but I trust you that you will, because I can prove it to you. And also you promised. Don’t forget that.”

“Is this… Something important?”

“For me, it is. Very important.”

“Then why haven’t you ever told me? Why must your secret weigh you down all those years if I was always here?”

“It’s not as easy… But let’s not waste more time. And actually… This is not a good place to talk. People may listen. We need to go somewhere else.”

Insook shot a quick glance towards the door to the back of the shop, making sure the owner wouldn’t come out. With one swift motion, she grabbed the small bowl of delights in one hand and rushed out of the shop.

“Insook!” Seokjin called out, confused. He fished a couple of coins out of his pocket and tossed them on the table before scurrying out after her. She was waiting a few meters down the street laughing, her cheeks puffy, stuffed with the treat. “Insook, why did you do that?”

“What? You paid for it, didn’t you?”

“Most certainly, but not for the bowl!”

Insook croaked in laughter once more. “What did you want me to do, empty the sweets in my pockets? They’re going to stain my dress! Let’s go now, we can go to the Bayba.”

The Bayba was a recently abandoned building, what used to be a small brothel, not far from where they stood. It was one of their many hiding spots. 

Insook opened the metal door and they rushed in, passing by a neglected patch of green with overgrown weeds and probably many, many bugs, Seokjin thought. The door to the building was ajar. After entering, Seokjin closed it until only a sliver of light was able to crawl inside the empty ground floor, making the dust particles that floated around visible. There were windows, but the heavy curtains were closed, and they both preferred it that way. Apart from a counter with paint that flaked off in spots, the room had nothing else in it. Insook adjusted her dress and sat on the ground against the wall. Seokjin sat down by her side.

“I’m overcome with curiosity, my dear. Now that we’re here, please tell me your secret.”

She picked up a cube and fed it to Seokjin with a confident smile. But it instantly faltered. She nestled the bowl in the fold of her body, between her thighs and her belly. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her, but at the end of the day this was her decision. She raised her eyes from the bowl, and looked at him.

“Remember a few weeks ago… When you were teaching me about gravity?”

“Of course. And then you lied to me by saying that a mysterious cousin of yours had taught you the concept of lift, because you already knew it before I taught you that. How could I possibly forget?”

Insook hesitated, but soon found strength to continue. “You’re right. I lied to you. But I couldn’t do otherwise… And it was that day that I decided to finally tell you everything. I hate lying to you.”

Seokjin hated the way this was going. There were snakes crawling up his back and around his thoughts. He knew it would be wiser to let her talk before he said anything… Though what he didn’t know was for how long he could retain a hold of himself. 

“So this is your secret? The man that’s teaching you physics?” Even uttering those words crushed his heart. 

A betrayal. That was it. She had betrayed him.

“Seokjin!” Her eyes flashed like lightning bolts. “How dare you accuse me of that? You think I’d let some other man teach me physics? Do you think I’m a whore?” She popped a treat in her mouth, her jaw visibly clenching with force. “Take that back right this instant!”

“I-uh…” Seokjin stammered. “Then… Then who is teaching you? A woman? Certainly not.”

“It’s not a man… Nor a woman.”

“This is not a time for jokes, Insook. If it’s not a man nor a woman, then what is it?”

Insook clutched the almost empty bowl closer to her body, and leaned into Seokjin. It was as if she was struggling to keep a smile on her face. “It’s… An alien,” she whispered, then pulled back.

Seokjin was quite the same. But though he wanted to smile, he couldn’t. “I told you, this is not a time for jokes. And yet you choose to carry on with your nonsense?”

“This isn’t nonsense, my love… I am telling you the truth.”

“Is this the truth? Aliens?”

“Not many… Just one,” she raised her finger, and curled it back in her fist. “He is in my head… Talking to me.”

Seokjin could feel his blood pressure rise. “An alien? An alien in your head?” His voice came out strained, but in truth he wanted to scream. “Insook!”

“Seokjin, please…”

And he did.

“You made me promise, Insook! You made me promise that I will believe you! But how can I? You betrayed me! You betrayed my trust, my blind trust to you!”

He got the urge to leave right then and there, but something held him. Insook’s hand on his. 

“I’m not betraying you, my love…” she muttered. Her eyes were looking above his shoulder, but her hand was firmly grasping his. “I have a voice in my head that talks to me. He came to me five years ago, and told me he lives in the universe. He asked me to give him a name and I did, I named him Wooshik. He is not a man nor a woman, neither male nor female, he is not a human. He is an alien.”

No… Oh my god no…

Seokjin was frozen in time, listening with horror to what his one and only love was saying. His limbs went numb, but he managed to raise his hand and stroke her cheek with the back of his fingers. “My dear… Look at me, my dear… Is this… True? You have… A voice in your head?”

Almost excited, she turned her eyes to him. Her face lit up with a smile, and she nodded. “Yes yes, I do!”

“My dear, that’s… That’s not an alien… You… You are sick…”

“What? No I’m not! I’m not! He exists, he is real! I’m not crazy!”

Her denial was making this extremely difficult. Seokjin had just been torn to pieces. A bomb had been dropped on his right hand, he couldn’t touch his heart anymore. His one and only love was sick, had been for the last five years. But…

“Insook… I will help you, I will help you get through this… I will never leave your side. Together, we will get through this. We will fix everything, this I promise you. We will fix everything together.” It was a moment when he was trying to hold back his tears, but her eyes were different. They simmered with anger.

“There is nothing to fix, because there is nothing wrong with me! I am not sick! Don’t look at me like that, you’re breaking my heart!”

“And you’re breaking mine!”

“You’re not believing me!” She pulled her hand off his. “You’re breaking your own heart! I can prove you I’m right! Just… Stop crying! Seokjin! Listen to me!” 

But Seokjin got up, and offered his hand to lift her up. “Come on, let’s go. This is not a place for you. You need sun and people, you need happiness…”

“I’m not going anywhere! Stop being ridiculous! Go, you can leave if you want! But if you do, we are breaking up!”

His breath hitched in his lungs.

We…

He didn’t need more than two seconds for his knees to buckle. He dropped to the floor, sat on his heels, held both her hands in his. He placed his forehead on them… And his chest convulsed as tears flooded his vision.

“I can prove I’m telling the truth. Listen to me. Please.”

After

Not two minutes later, Doctrine made her way to Seokjin’s office. She walked in and closed the door behind her, crossing her arms over her clipboard. “You asked to see me, Sir.” While she usually shook like a leaf in front of him, today it seemed that her talk with Namjoon had boosted her confidence. 

Seokjin would make sure to take care of that.

“Yes I did, Doctor Anthia Pin. And please, no need to call me Sir or Head anymore. Since you know my name as well now… You may call me by that.” He grinned.

Anthia cleared her throat. “I’d rather not, Sir.”

“Oh please, quit acting you silly girl,” he said and swatted his hand around. “Did you already forget that you looked into my eyes a minute ago and said you were fed up? Well… One thing I’m weak for is heartfelt confessions. So I’m giving you the chance to rest from your hectic duties of keeping names secret. I obey you to call me by my real name… Dear Anthia.”

Her eyes evaded his. He chuckled, and approached her.

“Look how funny life is. You know my name, and I know yours. Such intimate knowledge of one another to hold.” He placed a bent finger under her chin and raised her head, forcing his look on hers. “By god, we are anything but strangers now. Our fates are tied together.”

“Don’t touch me,” she mumbled, and Seokjin stepped back. His previous smile died the same way it was born.

“Not so bold now, are we? Fair enough. But unfortunately for you, you are nowhere near done with me.” He turned away and walked towards his desk, watching Hoseok with hungry eyes. “Tonight, I will get what I want from the Alien. And if I don’t… Prepare to put your degree to good use.”