Big Brother contestant Tilly breaks down in tears over emotional eviction

Two housemates are reduced to blubbering messes in tonight’s tense eviction ceremony, while Ari looks on cackling with glee as the house descends into chaos.

Elsewhere, Sid gets his first win and uses it to pull a massive move, while Danny and Adriana spend the episode making everybody uncomfortable with their schoolyard flirting.

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It’s top seven and tensions are high, with the housemates tossing up their next moves in hushed strategy chats scattered around the house.

Danny, Marley and Tilly have teamed up, and Sid is on a warpath, determined to take them down.

Everyone’s growing increasingly paranoid, erring on insane, apart from Ari, who’s sitting alone in a corner munching on a Tim Tam looking bored.

I don’t blame him. While watching a group of people tip over the edge into madness sounds like a riveting watch, it’s really just a lot of wide-eyed speculation and frenzied tactic talk.

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Big Brother tells them he’s opening a “shop” with items the housemates have been living without for weeks in exchange for their own possessions.

Unfortunately you can’t buy dignity, so they get a coffee machine, a pair of rabbits, some KFC burgers and passion pop and one fun fact: Danny had a hair transplant.

Tilly cries over the bunnies and it reminds me of when I’m hungover and find myself welling up at ads for nappies and toilet paper.

Elsewhere, one of the trade-offs involves tethering Danny and Adriana together. They spend the rest of the day giggling coquettishly and pretending to get annoyed with each other. It’s nauseating to watch.

At one point Danny starts imitating Adriana and she rips off the tether in an exaggerated tantrum, trying to mask her smile. They’re ordered to sleep together outside for the night which neither of them look upset about in the slightest. It’s the weirdest foreplay ever.

Sid and SJ are off for a slumber party of their own, ascending to the attic for a night of pillow fights and hair braiding among the cobwebbed bookshelves. They talk game play and Sid hints he’s gunning for “challenge beast” Tilly.

They all awake the next morning to a new nomination challenge that involves having their brains rattled around on giant whizzy swings until they’re suitably dizzy and disoriented.

They’re then to balance a block on the end of a stick and race to the end of a finish line.

I’d love to know who came up with this game.

Sid wins and nominates Tilly, Danny and Marley for eviction. Given Marley has the magic eye, meaning he can take himself out of the firing line, the choice sends shockwaves through the house.

Tilly is inconsolable, bursting into tears and telling Big Brother she feels hurt and betrayed.

Danny marches around looking livid, scowling at Sid from afar and shaking his head, growling “well played” through gritted teeth.

Eventually they both break down and through wails and ugly cry faces Danny vows to save Tilly.

It’s the most dramatic response to a nomination all season.

Naturally, Ari finds it all hilarious.

They enter the eviction zone and Sonia’s biceps arrive.

She dives right in to start riling them all up, but given the fragile state of everyone here it doesn’t take much to break them down.

Tilly is an emotional wreck, sobbing uncontrollably, while Danny makes an impassioned plea for the housemates to save her and vote him out instead.

He delivers it like he’s just offered to take a bullet for her and it sends Tilly further into despair.

It’s become clear everyone left in the house has forgotten this is a reality show.

Except of course Ari, who is loving every minute of it.

They vote, and Tilly gets the most, demanding to know who wanted her gone before disappearing down the glowing blue hallway, still sobbing as she farewells the mansion.

All of a sudden, Big Brother’s voice stops her in her tracks.

She’s cast away to a new corner of the house – it’s the film clip for Rihanna’s hit SOS – otherwise known as Big Brother’s mirrored room.

After all that, Tilly won’t be leaving after all.

And now I need a massive drink.