Jules Sebastian reflects on the tragic death of her brother
Jules #Jules
Jules Sebastian remembers hearing about the death of her brother Andrew all too well.
It was 2008, during her honeymoon with husband Guy Sebastian in Italy, when she received a phone call that left her reeling.
Her big brother, who just days earlier had been doing the ‘caterpillar’ dance at their wedding, had died by suicide.
Jules recounts that harrowing day in her new book Tea & Honesty, in which she aims to share everything she has learned about living well, including how to deal with loss.
“I knew the grief was coming, writing about it,” she tells 9Honey.
“I think it was important to include it in the balance of all the things in the book. I talk about identity and compassion and kindness, but also all the things you struggle with as you figure those things out.
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“Grief is one of those things where you don’t have to lose somebody to grieve. You can feel that feeling losing something you love or wanted, or when something doesn’t go your way. It can be an opportunity, a pregnancy, a friendship, a relationship.
“I wanted people to know that there isn’t an end to grief, and that there are so many phases to it. You go along and it keeps coming back. I wrote that chapter and got to the end of it and thought, ‘I’m still actually in this’. I was a revelation to me. But there is honour in that, in honouring the person you once had and the thing you lost.”
Jules and her family are comforted by Andrew’s daughters, who are very much a part of their lives.
“It’s a nice way to keep the memories going,” she says.
“We always give him a cheers on occasions like Christmas time and birthday, and we’ll all talk together as a family. I have a tattoo on my side of his initials, and my boys often see that tattoo and ask me about him, so we definitely like to keep his memory alive.”
The loss of her brother isn’t something Jules talks about often. Instead, she has built her career standing beside her husband Guy.
In the Forward he wrote for her book, the singer speaks of Jules’ “innate emotional intelligence”, “consistent kindness, generosity and selflessness” and her “attentiveness and ability to make everyone feel seen”.
Have met as teenagers, Jules watched on in awe as Guy won Australian Idol and built an impressive career in music. Through Guy she has met countless amazing people, and her curiosity about what made them tick led her to launch the podcast Tea With Jules six years ago.
The series features conversations with the likes of entrepreneur Naomi Singer, artist Jaynie Johnson, actress and radio host Kate Ritchie, global fitness sensation Kayla Itsines and ModelCo business mogul Shelley Barrett.
“That’s the whole reason I started Tea With Jules, because I get to meet interesting people and have interesting conversations, and I’ll often think ‘there is more to this person than I thought’,” she explains.
“Everyone has their own story, their own way of getting through life.”
In fact, the Tea With Jules podcast, which began six years ago, was one of the first of its kind, launching well before the many podcasts that now follow in its footsteps.
“It’s a nice way to keep the memories going.”
“I think it stems from my genuine interest in stories and wanting to know more,” she says.
When it came time to write her book, Jules says certain stories had left their mark more than she’d realised.
“What astounded me was my recall of certain conversations, and of course I had all the transcripts in front of me as well,” she says.
“But when I started I did identify examples straight away, like my conversation with Kate Ritchie. She’s so articulate and very inciteful and she knows how to connect her feelings with her brain and then say amazing things.”
Jules hopes all she has learned about life and love and loss rubs off on her boys Archer, seven, and Hudson, nine.
Archer has just turned seven, and his proud mum says he’d been been reminding her of his upcoming birthday “every three hours” and had even made up a song about it.
“He has the most vivid imagination,” she says of her youngest son.
“He creates worlds in his mind and goes off and will play by himself for hours in his own space and in his own world with sticks for sword fights. He is super creative and imaginative.”
Hudson, on the other hand, is “music-obsessed”. (Wonder why…?)
“He listens to music and will put my ear buds in, and he has very mature taste for a nine-year-old,” she says.
“He just listens to these hectic harmony songs and tries to figure them out and sing along. Of course, our house is full of music.”
Raising boys comes with its own challenges these days, and Jules admits she and Guy are still trying to “figure it out”.
“We make mistakes and try things and fail at things, and sometimes we nail it, and sometimes we don’t,” she says.
“For us, we try and lead by example. They are like sponges, they are aware of what is going on around them and they absorb things you do and say. I think the best thing you can offer is show them how to treat people, not just by saying the words but by them seeing them in your actions.”
Jules says when something “big” comes up, they encourage their children to speak openly.
“We have this chair in Hudson’s room and the boys will say, ‘Can we go to the chair to talk about something?’ It’s really, really cute.”
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