10 bonkers Ian Holloway quotes as possible Motherwell boss turns Jack Russell and postpones turkeys at Christmas
Ian Holloway #IanHolloway
He’s one of English football’s brightest characters and now Motherwell could be set to give him a chance at Premiership level.
Ian Holloway has been out of work since leaving Grimsby Town in 2020 but boasts a packed CV with plenty of Premier League and EFL experience, guiding Blackpool to a memorable stint in the English top flight with expansive football. He’s also managed Bristol Rovers, Plymouth Argyle, Leicester City, Crystal Palace, Millwall and QPR, with his playing career also exclusively taking place in England.
Motherwell are hunting for a new boss after relieving Steven Hammell of his duties and it’s Jack Ross, Grant McCann and Holloway who are being interviewed to guide the club away from relegation danger. All three have proven managerial pedigree but it’s the larger than life 59-year-old who’s got people talking with his colourful comments in the past. Here’s just a handful of them that provide a flavour for potential Fir Park life.
Regular MOT’s
Paul Furlong was subject to the usual managerial cliche ‘Rolls Royce’ tag when under Holloway’s first reign at QPR. But this was done with a twist, as he doesn’t just get that tag, he gets all that comes with it too on top of extra responsibilities.
He said: “Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.”
Woof!
After a win to clinch promotion against Sheffield Wednesday on the last day of the 2003/04 campaign, the QPR boss was in high spirits. So much so he channelled the spirit of… a K-9: “Every dog has its day, and today is woof day! Today I just want to bark!”
Turkey respite
As it was announced the World Cup was moving to Qatar, Holloway was far from happy. In 2010, Holloway went on a spectacular takedown of the FIFA office at the time before saying of the winter tournament: “I’m going to go home and tell my turkeys, ‘It’s not Christmas, we’re moving it – it’s all right, you’ve got some respite! I’ve had a word with FIFA and we’re going to move Christmas, it’s no problem’.”
VAR crystal ball
Did the potential new Motherwell boss know something we didn’t? He spoke with passion way before VAR was in either England or Scotland on why something similar should be introduced. Whether Edinburgh Zoo will be called upon for potential employees is another thing: “Why haven’t they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now. Why aren’t we using laptops that are linked up and can give a decision in five seconds? A chimpanzee could do it – with not much training.”
Ronaldo…
We don’t really know where to start on his assessment of legendary striker Cristiano Ronaldo’s assessment of his, ehm, we’ll let the quote do the talking: “He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – that would make us all feel better. Having said that, my missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his c***’s massive.”
Woof! Part II
A key cog in his Blackpool system was Charlie Adam, the former Rangers midfielder who won a move to Liverpool off his seaside form. But at the time, Holloway wasn’t too happy with some of the prices being banded about and explained on the midfielder who eventually left in a deal worth up to £8m: “If he’s only worth £4 million, then I’m a Scotsman called McTavish.
“If they want to insult me by only offering £3.5 million and then get it all over the paper and try to upset me well, sorry, they’re barking up the wrong tree, they’re messing with the wrong dog and I’ll come and bite them.”
We can’t imagine his meeting with Motherwell striker Kevin van Veen would go down all cuddly if he takes office at Parkhead. Back when the pair were on opposite sides of the Lincolnshire divide at Grimsby and Scunthorpe, the Dutchman infuriated the Town boss with a knee-slide, leading to an X-rated jibe.
He said: “Our fans take the vengeance out on the opposition. Particularly Mr. Van Veen, or whatever his name is, who slides in front of our crowd over there on his knees…the lucky ginger d***! You wait ‘til we play them again, that lot up the road. Who the hell do they think they are? We’ll show them!”
Barton’s backside
Yep. In a BBC column in 2006, Holloway jumped to the defence of a youthful Joey Barton, the Man City midfielder who displayed his rear to Everton fans at Goodison Park. Jealousy is cited as a potential option for the rage: “It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad.
“It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.”
Woof! Part III
Final one we swear, unless there’s more dog-related patter to come from Holloway in the future. Motherwell will need to avoid inconsistency where possible if they are to stay up and it’s something that irritated Holloway during a Blackpool game.
He said: “In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can’t go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.”
Looking upwards
If the Steelmen don’t get a win and perhaps are on the end of a couple of defeats, there will be guidance handed out from above in a simplified way of not being too hard on one self when suffering in football. Albeit, Holloway will have quite the car to fix.
He said after a 2-1 QPR defeat to Reading: “My ceiling’s broken, my car’s got a puncture and we’ve just lost two matches. But I’ve got my health and I’ll ask the big man upstairs why he didn’t give us a point.”
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